In the middle of the word believe, there's 'lie'. If you're suppose to believe in something, could some part of what of your beliefs be lies? I'm a person who questions what I see, and who I believe in. Maybe it's being overly analytical, but the point is, I think and see. I hate knowing that there are people who talk about me behind my back, with lies coming out of their mouths. How can a person who I don't even know, let alone talk to, speak of such lies about me to their/my friends? Is it that the more the untruth is spoken of, the more believable it is?
Reflection is something I look forward in doing every weekend of a fortnight, where I just think back and reflect upon my life. I don't really need anyone to understand me or even know me 'that' well that they can predict my every move. I know I have moved away from that aspect in life, and have become some what 'different' from who I was back in 2001.
I'd like to think that I am, perhaps, stronger than what people think. I'll give myself credit for being able to withstand all the sharp pain being thrown at me. I still get jabs in my heart, do you know that painful feeling you receive, literately, in your heart when something feels so wrong that it hurts? I get that kind of pain in my chest, and it feels like it's located in my heart.
Is it normal to get migranes or torture-like headaches every day? I don't think so, and yet.. I'm experiencing it. I feel like falling down to the floor, or like the room is spinning. Sometimes it gets so bad like I'm the one who's spinning, just waiting to fall.
Valentine's day is coming up. I wonder how I'm going to experience it this year. I remember last year was terrible for me. I received a valentine's day card from Randy though, it was really sweet because he wrote me a long letter. I miss him. I wrote all my best friends a card that year, I wonder what's going to happen this year.. I just hope I won't end up coming home, and crying again. It hurts too much to think about the past, but who can help it?
Memories last forever and I'm not someone who can just forget.
Sigh :) Happy 16th birthday Alisa. I love you darling. xx
