does not mean I'm over it,
that I feel better,
or that I'm ever going to be okay.
She thought she had her life sorted -- the whole technical five, ten, twenty year long life plan. She thought, ah.. marriage, job, babies, the works. But then you came along and made her realize that not everything was perfect, that she was simply avoiding from looking too closely so she couldn't see the cracks and dents he had caused. Who were you? Why did she let you walk into her life? What made you think you were the one to change everything?
Today was one of those days when she woke up thinking, "I'm still alive, why?" Blink. Blink. Every day is a new challenge. Another day of torment. Another way tears manage to flow through. Life is temporary, she tells herself. She knows that how she's feeling now will pass, but she doesn't know how long it will last.. She doesn't understand why everything feels so hard. Why sometimes she cries without realizing. Blink. Blink.
It's been months now and yet, she still hasn't figured out what she wants from life. Nothing goes to plan, of course, we all know this. She knows this, but she was stupid enough not to make a back-up plan. She doesn't know. She doesn't know. She's not ready. Stop pushing. Stop pulling. She's not ready.
She wants to hide in her shell. She wants to keep away from the world. She's not ready. She doesn't want to face reality. She doesn't want it to hit her in the face. She just wants to hide away. She just wants to live life now. She doesn't want any thing to start. She's afraid. She's terrified. She's scared.
She's just not ready.
Blink. Blink.
