Going out everyday leaves me exhausted and I'm starting to think that my house can pass for a cybercafe. The last time my cousins were here, we had about five laptops out and everyone was either MSNing or surfing the net. Plus the PCs we have out and my own laptop.. the internet was soooo slow.

Maybe I should just stay home tomorrow since I'm not having my driving lesson tomorrow. The driving is going pretty well, I'm still scared of pressing the accelerator but my teacher quite likes me :-P

I'm suppose to have netball in the afternoon and evening. That ought to be fun but I'm not really into playing with people younger than me... *rolls eyes* Tak tau lah, I haven't been making any new friends lately other than the new people I'm seeing around at the netball court.. I guess that's alright? I need to maintain the ones I already have (ceh), I'm going to email the ones that mailed me tomorrow if I can. I don't think I'll be showing up for the afternoon netball session because I'm not up to it.

I've been having cake cravings, etcetera. It feels like all I do is makan and makan and eat and makan and eat.. haiyoh. I'm thinking about food right now but I'm stuffed. Ha. Tapi nak makan lagi lah :-( lol I'm so going to be over weight when I get back to Loughborough. :-) This is fun. In about a month's time I'm going to be back in the cold harsh weather and back with Qian and Mus. Just like old times. NYEH I CAN'T WAIT. This year is going to be so interesting :-P Drama part two. Tehehe.

So next year I promised myself that I'd try and get into studying a bit more than I did last year. I passed my first year and I'm hoping to do better than I did for next year. I guess I have to get my brain set up for studious mode. First year isn't counted unless you're taking placement and for that you need at least a 2:1 to even be considered to work at certain firms. Luckily for me, I'm not doing a placement year..so it's just a three year non-stop studying + learning thing.

I am thinking about getting a part-time job to help ease up my accommodation payments and to have extra money at the end of the month (I swear clothes are going to be my reason for going bust). The monthly allowance I get from my scholarship isn't really enough to live on if you think about the high cost of living in the U.K. More than half (about £310) of my monthly allowance will be going to my accommodation alone, and then there will be the bills for my cell phone, internet, cable, etcetera. I suppose I'd be okay if I didn't shop so much, but I'm a sucker for hair products (it's MY friggin' pride and joy) and I'm never able to just walk past TopShop, I will always walk into it (ask Mus and Qian who have to drag me out).. and somehow walk out with at least one new plain top. :-) I should just consider staying home. lol.

Anyway. Bed.

love,
yas.
xxx

I sat down on my porch today and just cried. Life takes you so many ways, sometimes you get so mixed up that one decision might be as bad as the next. I'm still sensitive when people start asking me too many questions, there are many things on my mind..some of which I don't want to think about because I really don't know how I'm going to solve it. I'm procrastinating until I really have to face up to it. Love makes things complicated but yeah, what do I know about it? Innocent flirting here and there, one thing usually leads to another..and viola, instant mess!

I hate thinking about my life and wanting to sort it out. The opposite sex make it complicated and they poke my brains. Sunday was my relief day, no texting, no calls. Just me and my sunshine living up the days like it used to be. For about a year and a half. Heh.

My weekend perks

I had a great weekend, lovely two weeks. I just want to relive it all in my head. There are some things that keep me strong and they are the same things that can cause my downfall. Ia jua racun, ia jua penawar... My head thinks and rethinks over and over. Sunday was beautiful. Thank you to those who care and those who were there. You made my weekend just.. beautiful :-)

I was thinking about one of the posts in postsecret, my favourite which said "I cut myself to kill the pain". J5's always asking me why do people cut themselves. I've mentioned this before on very very previous posts. Sometimes when the pain inside (emotionally, those frigging heartaches you feel INside) gets too much but you can't seem to let it go, the pain you get from the cuts distracts you from the pain inside and at the same time feels like a release from INside to OUTside because blood's flowing out of you from your heart. But yeah, that's what I think anyway. Neexxttt topic!

My exam results came in the mail but I'm pretty sure the parentals aren't too thrilled with it. But I passed :-) OH GOD UNI FREAKING STARTS IN TWO MONTHS. I want to get out of Brunei but then I'm in a war with my head because at the same time I love being here. I love being around mum and my family (including arguements because life has ups and downs) Making new friends is a big deal to me because it's been a while since I've done that (god, can I sound any more pathetic?), I'm just thankful the people I've been playing netball with are nice people. Other than that, I'm not doing anything. Loser. Looooosseeerrr~ Seriously.

The Women of Netball :-P minus a few missing people.

Friday night was gym and I've never gone to FitnessZone in the evening. It was crowded and there were so many new faces. I think I've got some sort of problem when it comes to crowds. I got teary eyed trying to convince my friend that we should go home because I didn't want to be there. :-( You'd be wondering, how can something like that happen to me? I was talking to J5 in the car about it, and I put the blame on relationships.

Have you ever noticed that some people just disappear from the face of the earth once they've stepped into the "in a relationship" zone? I can't really blame them, I know the feeling of wanting to be alone with only the significant other that you tend to forget your usual group of friends. I think everyone goes through it, but over time you'd think they'd get over it and come back to hanging out. That doesn't happen to me, sometimes when I forget the world, I'll really forget it.. and it sucks. It happened for a long time and I barely had time for my friends because I always wanted to be with him. I'd even try to take him with me if I had to go out with my girlfriends. Intrusion? Ah yes, so very true.

Actually, I had no point whatsoever in that paragraph.

Bed now.

ade.. im so lost without you here.

Tuesday morning ladies and gents. I'm exhausted from going out everyday from last last Saturday. People have been keeping me busy and I don't really have much to say. I can see from the wifey's posts that she's getting giddy and somewhat, happy :-P angau beb? I watched Kirana7 play netball over the weekend in Tutong, that was fun. I fell down and hurt my hand and sort of smashed my phone but it's alright.

I spent the whole week eating, watching movies, playing netball and falling asleep in the car. My best friend, Aimi, left on Saturday to Melbourne. I'm just not allowing myself to feel anything these days. I feel happy yet empty. I don't want to touch things of the past or feel things I wish I could.

MUSTANIR EMAIL ME :-P I miss you please and thank you. hahaha

49 days until I'm back in UK :)