That's me giving out my speech during the Chinese New Year/National Day celebration - just 10minutes before my mum called.
This week was made up of the start of semester 2, St. Valentine's day, beautiful roses, new discoveries, lies and just stupidity. Fol sent me a beautiful bouquet of roses - it's gorgeous - for Valentine's day. I gave Lina and Syer flowers and sent my girlfriends' cards and letters. I watched a movie with some girl friends on Wednesday, Thursday saw me having a long day in class and the arrival of my roses sent by Taufiq. I spent Friday night shopping in town and watching movies like Clueless and Mean Girls with the same lovely ladies from Wednesday.
I sat through a first year Math module for Engineering students on Wednesday. They were studying sequences and series - a module I took last year :-) I enjoyed it. Fun would be the word to put it, as it always is when it comes to a subject that you know well.
Saturday was shopping day, in preperation for Sunday (i.e. today's) Chinese New Year and National Day celebration. I spent the rest of the afternoon 'til well in the evening just baking brownies and muffins. I'm quite proud to say that they finished fast during the celebration - but I hope it's not the only thing people can credit me for.
I'm not much of a speech person, I still get jitters whenever I have to make one - regardless of the fact that I probably make announcements to about 20 to 30 people at a time whenever we have sports.. but that's different. I guess I get nervous because I know everyone's watching, everyone's made to listen. It's that "knowing" bit that gets me the way it does, I was shaking pretty hard during the first few lines. I don't usually prepare my words when it comes to events - I prefer just talking off the top of my head which usually leads to repeatition and the beautiful sound of idiocracy but it works because it's me. Today, I prepared a speech for LufBru. I spoke it out, nervously at first. We watched the video of it just now - I was very nervous. I couldn't calm down. You'd think I'd be used to it now. I still feel scared every time.
The LufBru committee put in a lot of effort to the CNY/National Day celebration today. We planned it out for two weeks running - unlucky for us that the projector was a bloody mess and people started heckling. I felt hounded because I was the one sitting next to the laptop - I didn't like the comments being made. I let a number of things just slip off my shoulder but sometimes I do listen and at times I do take them straight to the heart. Smart ass comments won't get anyone anywhere. So why did they bother?
Yet again I felt like an outsider looking in.
I really don't deserve to stay in Loughborough anymore. I really don't know if I still want to.
