It really sucks when you're just sitting there, watching as things happen and moments that just pass you by. It's amazing how you can just hold on to something and not let go for such a long time that you begin to feel sore just holding on it.. how you're able to struggle to hold on to something your not even sure that you still believe in anymore.
Why is it that a person is able to just hold everything in and not allow their feelings to let loose for all to know? How can a person survive just watching the person they love destroy themselves because they asked them to? How is it that you can love someone and never let them know? How is it that a person can just hide behind the truth and allow for mistakes to happen and not retrack them? Wouldn't that just lead to a bigger mess? Man, I've screwed up so badly that I don't know what to make of it anymore.
I've watch so many things happen for the past month. I have allowed so many things to happen. I haven't done anything about how I've been feeling. It stupid really, I feel so stupid.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
god I've missed blogging..
A month of not posting, wow that's a record..hehe It's been a while, I suppose since I've posted.. and I guess it's my own fault to an extent and there's also the fact that I don't have internet at home because of techincal problems with my computer and the espeed2 modem. The wireless around the house still hasn't been set up so I can create layouts with much creativity.. or with much enthusiasm because the pc doesn't even have adobe photoshop :S I seriously do not like working or creating things on other pcs.. I'd much rather do my work on angel13.
Anyway, I've editted the post settings to only one post because I don't want to read the things I've typed up previously. I guess I was being very bitter about my break up and just can't bring myself to type up any posts or comments about how my life is doing now.
So, if anyone's wondering.. I'm doing alright. I'm not bitter anymore and things will turn out okay eventually. A lot has happened over the month, as I've always said in my lack of updates. A lot of messy things have happened in my life, some of which as lead me and some friends thinking that I have screwed up very badly. BUT I'm trying to forget that and let go of difficulties I'm facing because I don't want to get my heart broken again because of stupid decision and unavoidable thoughts. The problem is that I did something stupid, which could have been avoidable but I allowed it to happen. And now that it has, there's no turning back.. and I suppose I have to live in my life with that, but I don't know if I regret it or not.. or that I should.
Moving on. I've been out and about in Gadong, a hell lot.. I should start avoiding that place. Haha, but most of the time I'm meeting up with different people. aQilah's back in Brunei til January so I should expect to be spending a lot of time with her while she's here :) Lina, however had to go back to Geneva, Switzerland for the attachment course of some sort. My best"guy"friend, Rz, is leaving to Pakistan today. It sucks, because I was really hoping he'd stay.
I've been plaing basketball a lot.. heh. I'm in the 4v4 JIS group that's competing. Anyways, my car is here. I'm going home now. hehe I'll try post again soon.. xoxox
Anyway, I've editted the post settings to only one post because I don't want to read the things I've typed up previously. I guess I was being very bitter about my break up and just can't bring myself to type up any posts or comments about how my life is doing now.
So, if anyone's wondering.. I'm doing alright. I'm not bitter anymore and things will turn out okay eventually. A lot has happened over the month, as I've always said in my lack of updates. A lot of messy things have happened in my life, some of which as lead me and some friends thinking that I have screwed up very badly. BUT I'm trying to forget that and let go of difficulties I'm facing because I don't want to get my heart broken again because of stupid decision and unavoidable thoughts. The problem is that I did something stupid, which could have been avoidable but I allowed it to happen. And now that it has, there's no turning back.. and I suppose I have to live in my life with that, but I don't know if I regret it or not.. or that I should.
Moving on. I've been out and about in Gadong, a hell lot.. I should start avoiding that place. Haha, but most of the time I'm meeting up with different people. aQilah's back in Brunei til January so I should expect to be spending a lot of time with her while she's here :) Lina, however had to go back to Geneva, Switzerland for the attachment course of some sort. My best"guy"friend, Rz, is leaving to Pakistan today. It sucks, because I was really hoping he'd stay.
I've been plaing basketball a lot.. heh. I'm in the 4v4 JIS group that's competing. Anyways, my car is here. I'm going home now. hehe I'll try post again soon.. xoxox
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)