accomplishments.

A magazine from UCAS arrived in the mail today, it's called "which way UK". It's alright I guess, I've got a lot to read through though. Only 3 weeks until results are published. I want to get it all done and over with.. today's posts is just this:

ten things ive accomplished/done this year;

1. I finished my A2 & AS levels.


2. I helped collect money for the AIDS/HIV Brunei council.


3. I did the Citibank triatholon with the guys.


4. I fell in love.


5. Everyone's telling me I've lost weight, whereas the truth is I've gained 6kg since January. Then again, my clothes are now slightly bigger. I thought I stretched them too much.. Humm, maybe I did lose weight? I don't know.


6. I didn't attend my final celebration of achievement evening at ICC.


7. I've recreated most of my friendships with my old friends and cut the ties off the ones I no longer think belong/click with me.


8. I developed a huge interest in photography, and I have j. to thank for that for being the inspiration of it and sparking my interest for it.


9. I cut my hair short and dyed it darkest brown/black.


10. I haven't bought any new shoes this year, so I'm damn proud of that.

Quick update

I bought a new laptop last week which I still haven't broken in. It's the same one I bought a couple of months ago that I gave to my sister.. so I'm expecting no fights :P Mmm.. The notron (sp?) Anti virus was installed wrongly so I'm gonna take it back to the shop and demand for a new mouse. lol. Bought a new webcam for the lappy too, haven't thought of a name to give it yet.. But a name I've mentioned before might suit it. But the number 14 doesn't suit it well. I might reconsider that.

I went out with yazie and hazie a lot this month.. 4 times is a lot okay. We've gone cycling, swimming, to the beach, to Gadong. I've had sushi with yazie. He's leaving this weekend. Going back to Perth.Click for full view


Qi and Jit have already left for Brisbane. I did send them off, I didn't cry this time because I don't know. I guess I got used to them leaving. I've come to a realisation that out of five of us (myself, Aimi, aQilah, Lina and Yazid), I'll be the only one who's going to be in Europe. The rest of them will be heading down to Australia to continue their studies soon/eventually. sw33t. bl3h. I'm okay with it because I've always wanted to go to UK to study. I'll be alright. lol. I'll make friends......... I hope.

Well, the guys have played four matches at MD. We've lost all four by a few points. I'm not blaming the guys because I know they've tried their best and haven't had training for godknows how long. :) On the other news, our last match would be today against MS. I'm not hoping for anything, I'm just praying that if we do lose, we don't lose too badly. I've got the urge to bitch about some people who pissed me off yesterday when the guys lost against SAS. I won't because they don't know what's really going on and if they're so much better than us then why the hell are you the ones not playing?

There's just a couple more weeks until the A level results are published. I'm as nervous as hell, but I don't really want to think about it although my future prospects urge me to do so. Those thoughts will have to wait another week before I get around to it. I am honestly anxious about my results, and they're depressing me.. Hence the reasons why I don't want to think about it. I did try my best, but maybe the best just isn't good enough.

I went out the other night and surprised someone when I wanted to order coke. Haha. I haven't had my own carbonated soda for a while, most of the time I'd just sip whatever soda he has in his cup to soothe my nerves. Antah. I've been eating salads with dressings, I ate hot spicy food (which we discovered I'm allergic to), I've tried cakoi with durian paste (and I hate the smell of durian..). Yes, like dreamer says.. "It's called boyfriend". Hahahaha jeebus (omg), you make it sound like a disease!!!!

I'm trying to keep busy this whole week so I can put my personal thoughts out of my mind. I went out on Monday, playing basketball with the girls at RBRC. That was fun :) I even went to my cousin's house to check up on the little kids.. My god, how they've grown. I haven't seen them for almost 6 months. After that went to Najib's surprise party. The look on his face was just shocking. Hahaha. "what are you guys doing here?" lol. I sat in between Faye and Iggy. I ate .. and ate.. and ate.. yup. I feel like a hippo.


You know sometimes there are those quotes like, "I just called to say I love you" and etc. They're never really suppose to happen, right? Like, a guy just calls the girlfriend and says, "hey, I just called to say I love you". Usually, he'll like say that and continue on talking about something else. Weirdly enough, that just happened to me. "I'm calling to say I love you. Okay, that's all, I'm going back to work. Bye". Yes, leave me speechless why don't you. pft.

I got treated ice cream + salad + hot chocolate by SoFknWhat yesterday. Met up with dreamer, xeno and abyss. After eating, we dispersed. XENO HAS A NEW SKATEBOARD. nyah. I always wanted to learn to skateboard. hehehe I guess I'm just going to have to stick to inlines until I do.

Originally, I had some thoughts in mind to vent out.. but I ended up rambling.
Oh well.. maybe next time.

love,
yasmin.

Finding me.

Where do you go about when you find yourself lost? What can you do? Sigh. I find myself trying to keep busy every day.. doing things or at least attempting to do them wholeheartedly. Then again, I wish to ask.. why do people do things when their heart isn't in it?

I hate how I'm feeling right now, how I wish it would disappear. Then again, I suppose it's a natural thing to feel. Kasey Chamber's music is depressing me.. the questions in her music fills my thoughts and I wish I could come out and ask them straight out. I feel unworthy. I am not worth my weight.

I managed to get a lot of things off my mind for the past few days, like my worries about school, my past exams, results, friendship, companionship, etc.. I feel somewhat trapped and suffering but I don't want to show that.. sigh. I spent today mostly in the kitchen. I baked cookies, brownies.. and even made some lasagna for my sister and Tiny^tiny. I didn't spend today in front of the pc. I found out at the last minute that my girlfriends were coming over but I didn't mind that because I've been expecting them to come over since Sunday, and today is .. oh glorification.. Wednesday.

You know those people who go away to find themselves? I want to do that. I want to be able to define myself as a person. I want to see what I actually want to see, and wish to see. I want to meet someone who adores me (that might be a little off topic). I suppose being 18 means I don't know the world yet and I'm still growing. I'm young.. god, how I've heard that repeatedly. That I'm still learning.. Maybe I'm filling up my brain with thoughts that are too advance for myself. I'm drowning in my own thoughts.

I feel disorientated. I'm full of emotion. I want to be stubborn but at the same time I want to cry. I hate these feelings that I wish I could be as numb as I once was, or as one of my best friends is. unmerciful and unfeeling. But what can you see in my eyes but pain and sadness? You'd love to see that smile wouldn't you darling? The way I used to smile when I didn't cry or was it really times when I didn't want you to see my unhappiness? It's not like you notice anyway. You're too caught up in your own world, catching yourself before you fall and letting me collapse on to the ground on my own. Why can't you see that I'm sad? You've convinced yourself that I'm content and unravelling. You've left yourself delirious in your own mind.

I wish I could define myself by saying something easily like "hi, I'm yasmin.. and I'm a workaholic". Or like.. "I'm yasmin.. I suffer from depression". I tend to change my mind a lot because I think too much. Sometimes I want people to say that I'm just deliriously happy. Who the fuck believes that shit? I can be happy at times. Give me enough sugar and I'll be happy. I'll bounce around like a mad woman. I guess I do have my moments and the only time I do blog is when I get depressed and need an outlet to get rid of these negative emotions. Whats funny is that most of what I've typed never really get posted until I absentmindedly click on "post & publish". Half the time I re-read my entries and delete them because they're actually too personal and not for the world to see. BUT then again, whats the point in having a blog if you don't want people to read it?

Yes, I do want people to read my site. I do think too much, and when I'm not thinking about time and matter.. That's when I actually don't have time to gather my depressive and pessimistic thoughts. Those are probably times when I'm happy.. content.. I blog when I have too much time in my hands, and this is what you're seeing. I have too much time in my hands that I'm gathering my submissive thoughts, my idle hands are finally typing away..

yasmin.
xx

Secrets Of Me :D

hehe. COMMENT PLEASE. I love you all~
mwaaaaah.

love,
yasmin.