I've been sick for almost a week now, I probably don't have enough energy to run around and be happy.. but whatever, the week's almost over. I'm suppose to be in London, and I'm suppose to be with mons and et cetera in London. But no, I'm in Loughborough, nursing a sickness.. Probably due to a heartbreak from watching my boyfriend leave the UK. Eeee..
Anyway, I haven't updated my deviantArt or my other journals. My good news today is that I'm the new treasurer for the Malaysian society in Loughborough, and before anyone goes lashing on me about being in a "Bruneian" society.. well, that by itself is a problem..because there isn't one.
I think I need Archie comics. You wouldn't believe the amount of books I've read through while living here. I spend about £20-£30 per visit to the book store.. o.o and it's not a wonder why I'm so broke. Well, I'm trying not to spend anything until allowance day comes around..which isn't long. But other than that, I'm going to try and not to spend much except on food for the next few months. The amount of shopping I did while my boyfriend was here is enough to last me for the rest of the acedemic year.
Sunday, 2/26/2006.
It's like I died or something on deviant. huu.. Right now, I can't think of anything better but finding a way to nurse my aching head. I fell asleep for about an hour, but now I can't seem to fall asleep again. I might wander around to the new Sports Hall to check out the guys playing basketball, maybe even force myself in and play with them.. anything to get over these stupid insecurities I'm feeling.
Thinking is healthy, but thinking too much might kill you right? Right. I know for a fact I cry a lot, a heck lot, a hell lot. I think of something, and my tears start swelling up.. and there come's a tear. I made porridge, don't know if I'll eat it.. my head is still spinning.. Sometimes when I'm walking I'm having a hard time breathing. Sometimes I think I'm still sick because I'm sad, and because I'm sad.. I'm weak. Weakness leads to sickness. How very true.
Sometimes I blame myself for not wanting to be happy; it's not that I ccan't be happy.. it's that I don't want to feel happy. I'm perfectly capable of being happy but i'd rather not feel it. Is that weird? Totally. I argue with myself sometimes with these thoughts I go through.. often ending up with defeat and just more tears shedding down the cheeks. Never blood though, that just simply doesn't happen.. and won't happen again.
I wish the weeks would go on quickly. Time seems to drag on, and I feel lonely. I feel alone here in my room. I don't exactly have 'that' many friends, not that I'm actually trying. I don't know. UK is cold, weary.. tiring. I bore myself out too easily and life's meaning here doesn't extend any further than studying, books and sports.
Anyway, I haven't updated my deviantArt or my other journals. My good news today is that I'm the new treasurer for the Malaysian society in Loughborough, and before anyone goes lashing on me about being in a "Bruneian" society.. well, that by itself is a problem..because there isn't one.
I think I need Archie comics. You wouldn't believe the amount of books I've read through while living here. I spend about £20-£30 per visit to the book store.. o.o and it's not a wonder why I'm so broke. Well, I'm trying not to spend anything until allowance day comes around..which isn't long. But other than that, I'm going to try and not to spend much except on food for the next few months. The amount of shopping I did while my boyfriend was here is enough to last me for the rest of the acedemic year.
Sunday, 2/26/2006.
It's like I died or something on deviant. huu.. Right now, I can't think of anything better but finding a way to nurse my aching head. I fell asleep for about an hour, but now I can't seem to fall asleep again. I might wander around to the new Sports Hall to check out the guys playing basketball, maybe even force myself in and play with them.. anything to get over these stupid insecurities I'm feeling.
Thinking is healthy, but thinking too much might kill you right? Right. I know for a fact I cry a lot, a heck lot, a hell lot. I think of something, and my tears start swelling up.. and there come's a tear. I made porridge, don't know if I'll eat it.. my head is still spinning.. Sometimes when I'm walking I'm having a hard time breathing. Sometimes I think I'm still sick because I'm sad, and because I'm sad.. I'm weak. Weakness leads to sickness. How very true.
Sometimes I blame myself for not wanting to be happy; it's not that I ccan't be happy.. it's that I don't want to feel happy. I'm perfectly capable of being happy but i'd rather not feel it. Is that weird? Totally. I argue with myself sometimes with these thoughts I go through.. often ending up with defeat and just more tears shedding down the cheeks. Never blood though, that just simply doesn't happen.. and won't happen again.
I wish the weeks would go on quickly. Time seems to drag on, and I feel lonely. I feel alone here in my room. I don't exactly have 'that' many friends, not that I'm actually trying. I don't know. UK is cold, weary.. tiring. I bore myself out too easily and life's meaning here doesn't extend any further than studying, books and sports.
2 comments:
testing
hurhur.. good. on anonymous ^_^ now i can speak :P Drink more water eat more fruits~ you will be like me strong and fit. haha
peanut
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