Paris, originally uploaded by unangelic.

Happy birthday to my beautiful now-twenty two year old best friend who I've just realised as of yesterday is so tiny. Never in the 8 years I've known you have I noticed how you small you are until you've walked in front of me up FOUR flights of stairs. Its because 8 years together you've always been next to me, never in front never behind.. AWWWW

But nonetheless, happy birthday aimi ramlee. enjoy your day.

lots of love,
yx

n617763412_859121_8791, originally uploaded by unangelic.

I've watched you grow and I've seen days when you couldn't get yourself to smile.

Sometimes you'd scrap up some effort to smile just for me even though we both knew your heart wasn't in it.

I've lifted you up and supported all the decisions you made - even if it meant that I had to face a few times alone.

There was so much I wanted for you.

I've shown you endless love and never let our friendship waive.

No matter what I tried to show you, it just couldn't be understood.

I've cried for you through days if not for myself, but for you.

Now there's nothing left except the broken pieces of glass that fell off the shelf.

n508411395_683296_1145, originally uploaded by unangelic.

I wanted a perfect ending.
Now I've learned, the hard way,
that some poems don't rhyme,
and some stories don't have
a clear beginning, middle, and end.

Life is about not knowing,
having to change,
taking the moment and
making the best of it,
without knowing
what's going to happen next.

Delicious Ambiguity.

~Gilda Radner

n710646273_611581_7356, originally uploaded by unangelic.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
- Tennyson

Sometimes life can only give us so much of what we want.

A photo.

IMG00143, originally uploaded by unangelic.

& sometimes you make me so mad
I wanna throw you in the middle of on-going traffic;
but then I realise I'm probably going to kill myself trying to
save you.

Is it broken?

photo removed.
IMG00346, originally uploaded by unangelic.

Okay, this post is going to be very vague. So if I were you, and you don't know me that well then I think you better just look at the photo and move on. Taken today at the EHB Astro turf.

----
I'm known for my temper between friends - I snap too easily and I make quick judgments without thinking it through. I am angry right now, so very very angry. Yet, I'm alone downstairs and I feel so weak.

I hate it. I get frustrated with the way people treat me these days, I feel like an object. Boyfriends seem to be useless because they're wanting to let go - and I'm just (as of the last five minutes) unwilling to hold on. So what is happening between us? I don't know. I'm not in a relationship, I'm not single so I guess that means I'm in fucking void.

Relationships break down, some if not most, because there is no love in it. Sometimes it's because someone cheated - I've never been very proud of my track record, but stupid things just happen and people get hurt. I kind of wonder why I'm the one who's hurting the most. Mistakes are made and I kind of wonder if she's reading this now and if she knows I'm thinking about her. I'm not asking for forgiveness from anyone. I don't regret the mistakes I made but there are times when i regret who I made these mistakes with.

So if that person is reading this, I hope you know that people do move on and I wish you wouldn't treat me any differently than you used to. You act weird around me, probably because you hope that I don't feel anything between us. So, okay. There isn't anything between us - so why do you still act funny? I wish I could just say things out to you but you just stare at me with those blank eyes or try to avoid whatever it is I actually mean that the words never seem to come out right. Honestly, it just never happens. Sometimes I wish I never met you. You filled my head up with words that you never meant (and I know that now because I've actually seen the words written out), I suppose it was a way to play me the way you do. So you won, check mate. So what now?

As for that other person, you know truly well I have so many ways of manipulating that sordid mind of yours. I've changed your password - I'm sure you know how to get it back. I've read through all your messages, like the stalker I am. How many times have I told you I've given up on all of what I've done to you? I have and I was willing to just let it all go until you managed to shove that little reminder of who I am every single day.

Why can't you just leave well enough alone? Things were going fine from what I saw.

IMG00238, originally uploaded by unangelic.

&& just because she comes off
strong doesn't mean she didn't fall asleep crying &
even though she acts like there's nothing wrong, maybe. . .
just maybe . . . she's just really good at lying.

I spent my weekend away from Loughborough - took a two and a half hour train ride to Manchester to be with Adeline on the eve of her birthday with a freshly baked cake in hand. Ades and her 'welcoming committtee' were waiting for me when I stepped out of the station doors, it was sweet. All they were missing was a sign that said "YASMIN PATERA" - oh well boys, it's the thought that counts. :-)

Happy birthday my darling girlfriend. You're beautiful, and you grow more beautiful each and every day. I love you. xx

We had dinner at Frankie's and Benny's (did I get it right?), I suffered from bad stomache cramps, probably from yesterday's dinner. Took a bus ride to Ades' hall and waited for midnight to arrive :-) We went on the Manchester eye, you can't see much from the photo I've got above.. it's blurry and it was night time.

I don't have a camera anymore so I don't really know what to do with myself. In fact, there might not be as many pictures for me to upload as before, since the camera doesn't work. The lens has become stuck inside - I suppose it's actually time to get a new camera. I'm looking at sony cybershots but more likely a thinner camera this time round so it'd actually fit my purse with ease. I'm thinking either a black or pink one. We'll see.

Oh, Summer Games updates.. spaces filling up fast. Just under three weeks to go til the deadline! =)

XXX

DSC00374
Originally uploaded by unangelic

This is one of the last few shots taken on my camera before it broke down :(

I've had my PS-150 Sony camera for over 5 years now and it's never let me down before.. sigh, I now no longer have a camera.

But they were beautiful shots while they lasted...

love,
yx