Is it broken?

photo removed.
IMG00346, originally uploaded by unangelic.

Okay, this post is going to be very vague. So if I were you, and you don't know me that well then I think you better just look at the photo and move on. Taken today at the EHB Astro turf.

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I'm known for my temper between friends - I snap too easily and I make quick judgments without thinking it through. I am angry right now, so very very angry. Yet, I'm alone downstairs and I feel so weak.

I hate it. I get frustrated with the way people treat me these days, I feel like an object. Boyfriends seem to be useless because they're wanting to let go - and I'm just (as of the last five minutes) unwilling to hold on. So what is happening between us? I don't know. I'm not in a relationship, I'm not single so I guess that means I'm in fucking void.

Relationships break down, some if not most, because there is no love in it. Sometimes it's because someone cheated - I've never been very proud of my track record, but stupid things just happen and people get hurt. I kind of wonder why I'm the one who's hurting the most. Mistakes are made and I kind of wonder if she's reading this now and if she knows I'm thinking about her. I'm not asking for forgiveness from anyone. I don't regret the mistakes I made but there are times when i regret who I made these mistakes with.

So if that person is reading this, I hope you know that people do move on and I wish you wouldn't treat me any differently than you used to. You act weird around me, probably because you hope that I don't feel anything between us. So, okay. There isn't anything between us - so why do you still act funny? I wish I could just say things out to you but you just stare at me with those blank eyes or try to avoid whatever it is I actually mean that the words never seem to come out right. Honestly, it just never happens. Sometimes I wish I never met you. You filled my head up with words that you never meant (and I know that now because I've actually seen the words written out), I suppose it was a way to play me the way you do. So you won, check mate. So what now?

As for that other person, you know truly well I have so many ways of manipulating that sordid mind of yours. I've changed your password - I'm sure you know how to get it back. I've read through all your messages, like the stalker I am. How many times have I told you I've given up on all of what I've done to you? I have and I was willing to just let it all go until you managed to shove that little reminder of who I am every single day.

Why can't you just leave well enough alone? Things were going fine from what I saw.