It's not a big deal that we don't speak anymore. It probably doesn't mean anything to you. It's not a big deal that your name still appears on my facebook filters, that I still go through our photos together and that I think of you when I'm at my worst and wonder where I went wrong.

It's probably not important that you don't know I'm suffering without you, that I miss talking to you, that I miss the person you were all those precious months ago.

It's not a big deal that I often find myself speechless and unknowing, that I no longer am able to predict your thoughts or what little things that might make you happy.. and that it kills me knowing that I am no longer the one who makes you smile when you wake up in the morning. It kills me to know that you don't search for my hand when you walk through town. It kills me that no one could accept us. It hurts so much that not even cuts are able to help me cope with the pain. I miss you.

But maybe it's just not a big deal anymore.