Who knew?

Whenever I go out with my bestfriends, usually Qiqi and Jit, I sometimes feel like a third wheel because I'm just the odd one out with them. But when I think about it, they try their best to accomodate me. These two have been going out for a year++ now, they're a sweet couple and I'm very close to both of them. These days whenever I go out with my sister or a friend or two (I never go out alone now in fear of running into someone), I see couples walking around, cuddling, holding hands, etcetra, it hurts because I'm not with my significant other. Let's hope anyone's SO feels the same way.

Being in Brunei makes me feel lonely because I don't live 5 minutes away from friends I actually enjoy hanging out with, I don't live 5 minutes away from town. Things aren't the same as they were in Loughborough. In all honestly, I can't wait to go back because I miss life there. Living 'independently'.. haha meaning coming home late, no one to tell you when to go to bed, to tell you who you can or cannot go out with. Those are just choices you have to make on your own, depending on your moral issues :-P

I'll be living with my cousin and my senior next year in Loughborough. This should be interesting. I've been a perfect house guest at my senior's place throughout last year.. and now I'll be living with her. I hope I don't mess my bit up. Hehe :-)

I thought my head would clear up after I got back from Singapore, but now I realise I've just been avoiding my issues and problems. Things just build up in me, from people constantly 'advicing' me on how to live in the world to just people around me in general. I get irritated easily these days, hence the conflict and arguements that fly around the house. My head's just messed up, there are so many things that I can't say to my family and friends because it's just things they don't want to hear. How do I know this? I know this because they constantly remind me what they do want to hear. They don't want to listen to things that are bothering me because these 'things' shouldn't even be occuring in my life. So, what's left for me? There's nothing for me to talk about. I just have to keep it all in until I finally hurt so much inside and break down in my room. Like yesterday.

I'm going back to UK in the middle of September, but not on the same flight as my other cousin, H, who's going back two days earlier than me.. that bum, he should be on our flight. grr. He's changed a lot from who he was when he first arrived in England. Hehehe, I would like to say it's a positive change.. but it's still a shock for me and the family considering how he was brought up and who he is.

Oh god Brunei is hot. I've been sweating like mad.

hf, mm, qh: i miss you. xx 75 days babes. :-)

haiz.

love,
yas.
xxxxx