She hadn't thought about where the road would lead her in the coming year. Thoughts and ideas just kept flowing on around her head, unable to settle or focus on one thing. There were so many things in her life that she'd just love to change, but where could she begin?
The night that 2009 broke the clocks, she made a few promises to herself. She broke one today. Music was coming out of one of the other rooms, she hesitated at the door -- almost knocking on it but she abruptly pulled her hand away and quietly walked back to her room. She couldn't help herself. She sat down on her chair and wondered out loud: what is wrong with her? It wasn't envy, or at least she hoped it wasn't. Sure, she was probably envious of the bond that had formed so strongly over the few weeks. Why couldn't she have that too? Of course not, nobody likes her that way. It just was an uncorrectable error that she could no longer fix or find the solution to.
Money has always been her friend, she could probably pay most of them off easily -- telling them that these treats were well deserved. But she didn't want that. She wanted fulfilment, she wanted to feel. Why didn't they want her anymore? Maybe it was too much to ask for. Maybe it was her fault. Again, she scolds herself, but deep down she knows she shouldn't be thinking that way. Why couldn't she leave them alone?
The house is huge and it only adds to her loneliness. Confined in her room, she stares out the window watching passerby's. Sighing to herself, she reaches out for her small comforts: a voicemail he left for her, his sweater and her headband. Laughter echos into her room. She couldn't help herself. She gets up and finally knocks on the door.
She breaks a resolution that will only multiply her pain.
The night that 2009 broke the clocks, she made a few promises to herself. She broke one today. Music was coming out of one of the other rooms, she hesitated at the door -- almost knocking on it but she abruptly pulled her hand away and quietly walked back to her room. She couldn't help herself. She sat down on her chair and wondered out loud: what is wrong with her? It wasn't envy, or at least she hoped it wasn't. Sure, she was probably envious of the bond that had formed so strongly over the few weeks. Why couldn't she have that too? Of course not, nobody likes her that way. It just was an uncorrectable error that she could no longer fix or find the solution to.
Money has always been her friend, she could probably pay most of them off easily -- telling them that these treats were well deserved. But she didn't want that. She wanted fulfilment, she wanted to feel. Why didn't they want her anymore? Maybe it was too much to ask for. Maybe it was her fault. Again, she scolds herself, but deep down she knows she shouldn't be thinking that way. Why couldn't she leave them alone?
The house is huge and it only adds to her loneliness. Confined in her room, she stares out the window watching passerby's. Sighing to herself, she reaches out for her small comforts: a voicemail he left for her, his sweater and her headband. Laughter echos into her room. She couldn't help herself. She gets up and finally knocks on the door.
She breaks a resolution that will only multiply her pain.
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