Never.

She lies down on her airbed, breathing softly. She feels drained from all the energy sucking culprits of her life. It's occured to her that her life is a vicious circle, forever going around to the same problems and she faces them all the same too. We can all guess that's probably why the same problem pops up like those annoying ads we get when we open a website.

She tries to breathe but it feels like a stab too soon. Her mind constantly moves forward, thinking. thinking. thinking. She has not cried. She can't bring herself to cry. She is too proud. Nothing seems right and yet, she manages that smile when asked. She'll smile for you, she won't falter in that department.

Frustration. Hurt. Anger.

Those words play in her head like a silly playlist. Calm calm calm she chants to herself.

Is it helping?

It's moments like these that make my time and efforts worth while.

We played in the Sheffield Malaysian games today. Loughborough 1 and 2 both came 1st and 2nd -- and me finally receiving my first medal for 2008/2009. I am damn happy and well proud of the girls and how they played today.

love,
y

She sits and stares at the ceiling. Things just got too much for her to handle on her own. She wonders if this will finally bury her along with her fears. Nothing seems to be right, there's an empty space which waits to be filled inside of her. She sighs, wishing she could simply hide and pretend that it never happened.

She wishes, oh she wishes so hard that she'd never came in the first place. She wishes her heart didn't beat so much for anything, she wishes that she felt nothing.

Her heart lied to her, it's not true.

It's not true.

It's not true.

Everything tortures her, the words feel like a sting, a slap and another hurtful sound that seems to shatter her eardrums. The pain becomes bearable for a while.. it's time for another drink.

Oh.

Help.

DSC03442, originally uploaded by unangelic.

Yang banarnya ah, every bloody three weeks you will hear me say something among the lines of dying. Seriously. I am overwhelmed every time I have a bloody paper to sit for. I hate feeling this way but I suppose we're all going through it. I'm such a drama queen.

EVERY THREE WEEKS! I die.

But if I had to study all this in 10 weeks with all modules, I'd definately kill myself. That. is. a definate. Then the whole thing restarts and we have a new module. I'm so looking forward to Monday.. and I am not looking forward to the 3rd Friday after it.

Sasak ku eh. I need a new toy. or a new pet. Can someone teach me how to use my holga? It's just sitting in my closet, waiting to be used. :-(

Shopping could cure this. Maybe. I want a new handbag, preferably from oh you know where :) Where am I going to get £1230 to buy it though? Haha. Easter's in three weeks.. I am yet to make plans. I turn twenty-two. Such a nice number.

siigh.

-y

So. Brunei celebrated it's 25th national day this year last Saturday. LufBru celebrates it as a joint celebration of CNY and National Day. Me, I love this sort of things. I get to wear a dress that I very much liked. I thought I looked like a cartoon regardless of what I wear because of my hair but nonetheless, I had my own set of compliments from my lovely friends.

The pink hair has pretty much faded now, the blonde dye underneath is begining to show. It's probably time to dye my hair a new colour. I doubt I'll dye it a dark brown for the next month or so because I'm enjoying the various colours we've been experimenting with.

Netball was good fun yesterday, it's been such a long time since I played shooter and I'm thankful that I've got support :-) But, I shouldn't have played. My fever's back, my body aches and my cold is giving me the biggest headache ever.


I'm at the MSc. Computer labs, trying to get my work done.

okay. karang kalau paning. balik.

x