DSC09167, originally uploaded by unangelic.

You know, I've been at my uni for almost four years now. I graduated last year with a math and accountancy degree, but unfortunately I didn't attend the graduation ceremony here in Loughborough since I had other commitments back home. So, this year, with fingers crossed, will be my first time graduating in the uni robes in Loughborough this December. Hopefully, hopefully..if everything goes smoothly.

I thought I'd share this photo with you since it's one of my favourites from the many that Famme took on the day of the Mechanical Engineers graduations. Loughborough's still feeling the buzz of the newly graduates -- with news of their travels everywhere on twitter and facebook. I think that's pretty awesome. I haven't gone travelling with my family yet, should really put that on my list of things to do.

Just..letting everyone know that the lack of updates is because I'm busy pulling my hair out -- project-wise, things are going okay. I had to scrape most of my ideas to simplify it ..and will only make it complicated probably by mid-Aug. So not much updates until then.

Oh oh! I went out today :-) Travelled beyond the doors of my home, to.. town ;-P Not that exciting, but it was the first time I've been out in days. Hehe.

love,
y

To be honest,
I just wanted to tell you that I love you and even though I know you read this blog daily, with me unable to express any further than this: please know that I am thinking of you all the time. I miss you everyday.

-y

Hey party people,
I've been busy with my project -- decided to scrape the whole thing and do a re-do. I'm basically screwed. But anyway. How's everyone doing? I'll start blogging again probably next month as I am atm, uninspired.

love,
y

Birthday Cake

DSC09421, originally uploaded by unangelic.

Best one I've made in forever.

Chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream in the middle, with chocolate buttercream, whipped cream and strawberries.

Kick ass.

DSC05013, originally uploaded by unangelic.

Happy graduation to everyone that's graduated.. but most of all to the beautiful graduates of Loughborough University. I wish you all the best for your future, may you strive to make Loughborough proud.

love,
y

Ladies and gents,
due to surpressed freedom against me and whatever the hell it is I do..
I will no longer be using my facebook account. Nor will I be posting on this blog any longer.
Sorry for the lack of explaination, but I'd rather not embarass anyone any further because apparently I am embarassing them. Thanks by the way, you know who you are. I bet you love the fact that it has to come to this.

I will also be changing my phone numbers, emails.. etc, basically every freaking form of communication.

By having a public blog, I had released my rights to privacy..and this has been invaded wayy too much and I no longer can adjust to the amount of censorship I have to place about my life whenever I blog. What's the point? I can't even talk about my feelings and this is suppose to be a JOURNAL, a BLOG.. something I can no longer do. SO NO POINT LAH.

See you all on wordpress or twits.

love,
y.

UPDATED: 19.07.09/11.32am
Okay. I was irrational. I'll blog. I'll be good.
-y

Dear God,

I don't like to question the things I've faced, and when I do -- I resolve that you would know better than I do at what I'm to overcome or run away from. You know how to test me. You know how to keep me strong, and I know that you also know how to break me.

For the rest of this month, all I'll ask is for this final project to go smoothly, for my tendancy to procrastinate to go away so I'm able to finish this project more quickly, for you to keep my thoughts calm and I'll also ask that you keep my family and those I love safe and happy.

I'm asking because I don't know where else to go, who else to turn to and when I come to times of trouble, it's always you I turn to in the end when I no longer have the energy to fight or keep up with these internal mind battles I have with myself.

Please again, like you did last year for my finals when I had to go through things that I didn't think were fair on me, give me strength to keep my head up.

Please allow me to keep smiling and think happy thoughts, and hopefully a good out come..

Please God, help my heart from feeling the pain I face every morning when I know I can not be near those that I love.

Amin.

taken by Fahmi

One of the reasons I haven't been out in a while is my lack of cash. I didn't want to spend unnecessarily. I also fought with myself whenever something tempting came along. Browsing through Asos.com and various other online shops didn't help. I've even stopped myself from walking into a book store because I know that it'll just upset me if I find a book I've been meaning to purchase.. Haha. God challenges us in various ways and I know, as always mentioned my various friends, that He wouldn't overburden me with something He knows I can't handle..

I went out to Nottingham yesterday against my better judgement. I spent money that I didn't have.. I had a budget but that blew up because we ended up having sushi. I didn't mind.. because I had fun. I haven't gone bowling since I left home, it's ages.. and those that have known me that far back, know what a bowling freak I am. Haha. I am very rusty though. None of us passed the 100 mark in the end. Hee. I also haven't been out of Loughborough since I accompanied H to London.. so it was worth the trip.

Syer really really wanted to go out. It was a spontaneous idea. She started off with saying that she wanted to go bowling... and that escalated to going to Nottingham so everyone could get their corn cravings at Broadmarsh and go bowling. I lent Famme my BlackBerry and he's been uploading photos on to facebook non-stop. My mobile uploads are filled with our day adventure..

Someone ordered fries half way through our game, it reminded me of Bowling Utama back home because someone, anyone would always order french fries. Heh. That brought back fond memories of those wonderful weekends I spent with Muneer, Fadz, etc bowling. Hee! Nottingham brought about lots of unpleasant and happy memories from last year. I really ought to stop reminiscing of the past and just simply let go because some things are just not worth keeping. I tell myself that I'm better off now, I've worked hard. It's okay if no one agrees with me, but I know what I've done, where I've been.. regrets are just along with the ride, they'll fall off eventually.

That aside, right now.. I'm starving. I need food :-(

Will post later. Maybe.

-y

When you try out something new, and you like it.. you don't know how long it'll feel that way, you don't know how long it'll last. You just don't know. But it never hurts to try. Personally, I think I'd rather crash and burn trying something that I've never done than never go through it at all (I resolve to try paintball next year...... provided no one shoots me in the chest :-S I cringe just thinking about it). Anyway. I admit I don't like doing things that I'm sure I won't be good at. Why go through the effort when you know you suck? I suppose it doesn't help when those around you aren't exactly shouting words of encouragement. Sigh.

My problem right now is that I am given the right words. I know I'm capable.. but I'm also unbelievably lazy. I need to work. Work goddamnit. I don't make a big deal of what I've done but there will always be a few things that I'm proud of. I miss the old days back in 2003, when we were all home.. doing stuff together. It's hard to believe we've all grown out of that, but we've remained friends. Well, most of us anyway. :-)

Loughborough's back to being sunny today. I'm ecstatic. Maybe I'll actually get around to cleaning my room and putting a few things away in boxes. Except I forgot where I put the duct tape. Hmm. I should start packing, ought to pack like I'm moving out. I think I'll wait til Taufiq and Lina's stuff has moved out because I wouldn't want to go through the pain of carrying my boxes down. :-S Gosh. Four years. Time flies. I still have so much junk. Haha.

Today.. has been two months since I first told how I felt. Thank you for the roses habib. Life is beautiful. x

Okay, since Monday the 29th of June last week.. I have been out of the house three times. Once on Thursday to get to an ATM (that only took me 30minutes), on Saturday to Tesco just because the whole house was going and I didn't like the idea of being alone at home (that took a good hour or so?) and today, to Sainsbury's because I ran out of Antibacterial gel and liners.

I fully admit that I've been unproductive with my MSc. Project, and I'm (with fingers crossed) hoping to get more done by the weekend since my supervisor is on leave until the 20th of July. That gives me roughly just over 10 days to convert three games into JQuery and merge them up. Quite unfortunately, for the past two days PMS has been on full swing -- hence the lack of work. I still haven't folded ANY clothes.. and I now have a new batch of laundry air drying in my room. I seriously need to get my priorities straight.

Tonight, I'm going to paint my nails to a pretty colour because I've been neglecting them lately.. and since I was going to give myself a manicure anyway, I managed to scrub most of the BBQ chars away from the metal for the pit. Now my nails are scruffy. Sigh~

Come Monday, I will drag my sorry ass to lab and sit there from noon to five everyday for the rest of the week until my super comes back. Everyone else around me is graduating or leaving for home.. sigh, I really am hoping the best for everyone.

At some point I need to clean my room, sort out the basket next to my study table and decide what the hell I'm going to do with my life. Once this project is over, I need to update my CV, mail it around and pray someone will give me a job. :-)

This is probably going to end up as my list of reminders.. so let's add purchasing a watch for my habib. What else?

Work yas, work.

Growl.

x

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 12 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "My Life According to (BAND NAME)"

Pick Your Artist:
Jack's Mannequin.

Are you a male or female?
Miss California.

Describe yourself:
Suicide Blonde.

How do you feel:
Hey Hey Hey, We're All Gonna Die.

Describe where you currently live:
In Valleys.

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Into the Airwaves.

Your favorite form of transportation:
Swim.

Your best friend is:
God.

Your favorite color is:
Dark Blue.

What's the weather like:
Hammers and Strings.

Favorite time of day:
Bloodshot.

If your life was a tv show, what would it be called:
Rescued.

What is life to you:
Holiday from Real.

Your relationships:
Last: Bruised.
Looking for: Miss Delaney.
Have: Dear Jack.
Wouldn’t mind: The Lights and Buzz

Your fear:
I'm Ready.

What is the best advice you have to give:
You Can Breathe.

If you could change your name, you would change it to:
Diane.

Thought for the Day:
Made For Each Other.

How I would like to die:
At Full Speed.

My soul's present condition:
In Slow Motion.

My motto:
Kill The Messenger.

I wish there was another way to save me.
I'm sorry that I'm a disappointment.
I never meant to cause you such grief.
I wish you knew how hard I've been trying to keep you happy and to keep myself happy.

I can't do both if you don't want to meet me half way.

Gosh, it's been a while since I posted a proper update. So, what's been up? :-) Hee. My blog finally works -- the domain at least. So this means I can properly do trial and errors for my current MSc. project :-) Awesome stuff.

Let's do bullet points. So. Since Easter I have:

1. watched a friend pierce a tongue. There was a lot of blood. It was awesome. I was fascinated. I want a lip piercing, like below my lip but I think my mum/dad will kill me as they don't approve of facial modifications. My baby sis already had an earful when she had her industrial piercing two years ago.. and that was just her ear :-) No worries Mama, I don't think I can cope with the pain so I might as well not do it.
   
   
2. I fell off a chair while trying to climb down from it. I twisted my left knee. I couldn't walk for a few days and the pain still comes and goes.. and it's been over a month since that had last happened.
   
   
3. Done another trip to Canterbury, Kent and this time met up with another Metussin sister. I swear its one at a time or three all at once. Which is fun. I was a kitchen slave/cook and I also lazed around more than I should have. My sister likes to torture me in different ways.
   
   
4. Made one of the best decisions in my life. I finally managed to let go of something that isn't worthy of my time or effort. It had been draining me and now I've never been happier.
   
   
5. Sat for all my final year exams -- including one presentation, and have gotten most of my results except for one module and my final project (which is still on-going). Alhamdulillah, I'm passing all of my subjects so far. Just awaiting the final module before I can decide how hard I'm going to have to work on my project for my final average. Haha, yes memang terbaik.. but it'll be good to know what I must aim for to obtain a good mark over all.
   
   
6. Helped host a barbeque (though I wasn't a very good host since I kept hiding in my room to take a nap). But it was good to see old friends again :-) It's been ages since we've all hung out like that. Thanks housemates.
   
   
7. Finally hung out with a dear old friend. I have missed our nights together. I love you mi amore :-)
   
   
8. I'm also homesick. That can't be helped though. I've been chatting with my cousins non-stop. Sigh.
   
   
9. Last but not least, I want to wish ALL the Loughborough Bruneians that have graduated this year a BIG BIG BIG congratulations. Your results were all fantastic :-) I'm so proud of each and every one of you. That's right, all twenty-something of you. You guys are awesome!! I hope you've all had a good time in Loughborough, and that you'll treasure the wonderful memories we've shared together.
   

lots of love,
yasmin.