Sixth Form Ball.

me, Randy, Aimi and Brandon. lol

Okay that's one photo.

Just like that

Finally home from Gadong. I've changed and I'm exhausted. I spent the night at Aimi's house last night, but I fell asleep well before midnight. hehe but I wished her a happy birthday before I dozed off.

HAPPY

BIRTHDAY

AIMI!

Joe texted me last night from Pakistan. He never updates his site..haha It's so nice to hear from him considering the fact that I don't see him online much anymore. I watched Troy yesterday afternoon with Aimi and her brothers, Raimi and Jamri. We got to sit in the VIP seats because some people stole our seats. Whoop whoop. lol. After that we went to their aunt's house and had dinner, met up with Nana and Lydia there. Went home at about 10:30pm, and I must have went to bed around 11:00pm.

Mum and dad picked me up from Aimi's house at about 1:00pm. Then they dropped me off in Gadong. Watched Shrek 2 with Reza :) met up with Hafiz, Ping and Sham. I went left around 9:30pm, went to Jerudong. Came home at 11plus.

blegh. can't think.

The Great Disappointment.

Is there a book called that? haha Anyway, I'm online now. Chatting with Diya <3, I'm bored and I woke up at 6:30am this morning. I went to bed pretty early last night, at 10pm to be exact.

I just signed up for Gmail. Hehe I've got a new email address: unangelic@gmail.com. Not bad eh? I still like unangelic@unangelic.org though. I have 1000MB for my e-mails, that's so totally cool. I can keep as many e-mails as I want. Aweesommme.. Anyway, today, I've decided to make more use out of the clothes I have. I'm wearing a skirt now, its so nice. Haha I'm not used to wearing skirts, so I guess for now I'm going to have to live with it.

I have stacks of clothes around the house, yet I stick with only a certain few shirts and my favourite jeans. If I count the number of jeans I already have (and that still fit!), I've got just under a dozen.

I'm suppose to go out with Yazid and Choong Hoe this morning, we were going to go play tennis at the Empire Country Club. Blegh, mum already left.. so I guess Yazie and Hoe are going to have some nice male bonding today.

I'm hungry. Lately all I ever talk about is me me me me. *smile* baby says I'm vain. mana ada. He's as vain as I am. There's this top I saw the other day, it's black. It looks like any of my other tops except this one has words on it, I'm no Angel. Oh la la. I want.

Okay, now I have a craving for pizza.

Hungry hungry hungry.

I've got a story to tell

Have you ever sat down and realize that you're upset about something, when all that time you didn't realize what it was that was causing you hurt? Heh, I've been feeling neglected. I don't know.

I can hear myself saying over and over "they don't care about me anymore" ' I've been saying things like "they don't love me" and even, "they don't like me y'see". I realize that I have said those words a number of times, part of me doesn't want to believe it's true.. but I see it as true now. It hurts. They keep saying they'll make amends. Lies. They say they're sorry. Lies. They say they won't leave me alone anymore. Lies.

Yes, I'm a negative thinker. I don't see the world as half full because in many ways, and from my perspective, it isn't. When I think about the times when people make me cry, it makes me sick. I'm not tripping any more, I shouldn't.

I remember just yesterday, hearing my parents talk. It hurt. I don't know, maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm just sensitive. I wouldn't really care right now. All I know is that I'd like to cry tonight.. the same way I did this afternoon and the days before that.

Anyway, as I've mentioned before, I slept over Adeline's house two days ago. I'm sleeping over Aimi's house tomorrow. Yeah I have a busy weekend. Soo.. web cam photos we took at Ade's house.


Adeline, Rachael and Yasmin.


Ju On Remake. haha Rach & Ade.


Ade with hair tips. Me looking away.


Us looking at the screen.


I never knew how friggin pale I am. See that, I'm as white as a ghost. It's weird..


Hehehe one photo without teeth. ahaha we look like we're pouting.
I just got off the phone. I'm probably more upset than ever. Argh. Currently chatting with Yazid, Sal and Rach. Blegh.. maybe someone's gona cheer me up. What a day. What a day.

I've got a list of things to do. Like what I said in my previous post.. but I'm probably going to postpone that. The whole things I like about me list. I didn't watch a movie today, my leg hurt so I thought I wasn't going to go out. But I went out anyway around 2plus.

Quick summary of today: I ran into Alim, Mel, Emily, Roy, Ali, Sham and some other people.. (yes I'm bad with names. but I know what they look like! Give me credit for that!) of which I only knew maybe four out of the many people I ran into.

Anyways.. after that Alim and I had chicken rice at the Mall food court. I met up with Pie, who lanja-ed me a drink and ice cream at McDs =) Thank you~ ehehe then we met up with Rach. Sat down at West Street Cafe, it's now labelled our 'favourite' for now..ehhee I like the place a lot.

I left around four plus, picked up my sis and then my mom. Went to my grand aunt's place. Went home. Took a shower. Talked on the phone. Oh look, here I am now.

Okay. Bye.

Summary of my life.

10 Years Ago, I...
1. was 7 years old.
2. went swimming every day.
3. ate fish & chips and ice milo everyday.
4. studied in PGGMB Telipok.
5. was labeled a tom boy.

5 Years Ago, I...
1. started attending STPRI.
2. almost got beaten up by a bunch of senior girls.
3. loved bowling.
4. thought Sweet Valley books were cool.
5. had red hair.

3 Years Ago, I...
1. moved to JIS.
2. fell in love with my best friend.
3. had orange hair.
4. loved bowling.
5. began to love the colour green more.

A Year Ago, I...
1. watched my spirit die.
2. had my heart broken by my best friend.
3. broke down crying every day.
4. moved on.
5. had brown hair.

So Far This Year, I...
1. dyed my hair again.
2. got dumped.
3. didn't get a position in the student council in JIS.
4. met someone new <3
5. obtained a grade A in my Pure Math 1 exam.

Yesterday, I....
1. cried.
2. slept over Adeline's house.
3. hung out with Hadi & Khalid.
4. watched Shrek 2.
5. went crazy with Titz.

Today, I ....
1. woke up at 9am.
2. went to Gadong with Rachael and Adeline.
3. watched Mean Girls on dvd.
4. went over to Ka Fiza's house.
5. called Reza <3 up.

Tomorrow I will...
1. sleep until about 10am.
2. watch "The Day After Tomorrow" with Hadi and Ka Fiza.
3. miss Reza. Both of them. hehe =)
4. smile.
5. write a list about the good things I find about me.

I've ben praying you'd come back..

[added @ 2:03pm]
I just added in a commenting system thanks to blogger! Unfortunately, I'm not gonna allow unknown comments from people, so you have to have a blogger account or something to comment. lol, I probably will change it to allow people without blogger accounts (yes, I know a lot of people like to complain. Anyway..how this works, you gotta click on the comment thing..and it'll take you to a page where only that one posts appears. Go to the bottom and click 'post a comment' and then enjoyyy.. ehe hugs. xoxox.
love,
yarzx. [/added]

I've been trying to post for the past few days, but lately.. nothing I type up seems good enough to be put up on the site. I guess its because of the change in feelings ater typing up what I wanted to say. It's stupid really, nothing new from what I've been feeling so far.. having ups and downs in my days.. looking up and waking up to a new day. There are days when I wish I could just wither away and disappear.. I keep looking forward to the weekend because that's the only time I'd feel happy with the people I love and care about. I'm counting the days for the weekends. Heh.

There was a time when I'd look forward to school days, but lately.. I'm uninspired and at times, half-dead (not literately speaking of course). Sigh, I guess I'm just depressed, I can't exactly figure out why. Currently listening to Christina Aguilera - Walk away, it's a nice break free song isn't it? =) I should have known~.

Here are photos taken on Adeline's birthday. 9th May 2004

That's me sitting down on the floor at Ade's house.


Rachael and I outside Ade's room.


Ade and I in her room.


ehehe That's ade being silly. =P
Details about that day.. Hm, I don't think I said anything about her birthday in my previous posts..ehe you see, Rach and I met up in Gadong at 10am in the morning, on Sunday. Then we drove down to Adeline's house and suprised her. Man..her first question was "what the hell are you doing here?" talk about being so welcoming! haha =) anyways.. after that we took her to Taurean where we met up with Eddie and Randy (who was late!!) Photos of that below.


Randy, myself and Rachy reading a magazine..ehe


Us again in a proper photo.


Three bums and a boob..haha the last time we took a photo like this was on Rach's birthday..which was in NOVEMBER last year!!!


Last but certainly not least, a photo of Rach, myself and Ade.
So anyway, I'm at Adeline's house right now. I slept over last night. It was so last minute.. doesn't really matter. I hung out with Hadi yesterday. Picked him up and we went to Gadong. We've been wondering around in search of a birthday present for Aimi, hehe he doesn't even know her..haha nice thing is that he didn't mind going around shops with me looking for her present. Sadly enough, this was my 5th hunting trip and I've still come out empty handed. I'm such a dofus when it comes to birthday presents..hehe ah well. Saw Juls, Ranz and Yen at the Mall.. didn't stay them because I was with Hadi and Khalid at the time. Oh well, I got a whole month to kacau them. ehehe

I've been doing some thinking.. and a lot has happened this month. It's been totally weird and I'm not sure about how I feel about things that are happening around me. Most of my best friends are coming home either next month or sometime in July. I can't wait! Unfortunately our summer holidays start on the 9th of July. Hehe, we start our A2 course on the 15th of June. Bleh. I don't like the date.. it's so full of memories.

I watched Shrek2 last night, it was freakishly hilarious. lol =) I might watch The Day After Tomorrow with Hadi tomorrow afternoon and some friends. My parents are still on leave, I see them around the house a lot. lol In exactly seven days, I'll be sitting my accounting exam. Man, I just want these things to be done and over with. The days seem to just drag on.. 4 more exam days to go and I'm free..and HELLO A2! =)

Now, I gotta figure out which subject I'm gonna drop. Haiyoh. I'm watching Troy again on Friday night, I'm probably going to sleep over Aimi's house that night since her birthday is the next day.

I miss him.

bleh. Rach and Ade are watching another movie. Hehe we just watched Mean Girls on dvd. That one sucked. I'm going to my cousin's house later..but I gotta take a shower first. Hehe, I'm still in my pink pjs. lol.

They've been complaining about my opposite personality today. I was the one who slept early, and I'm also the one who stayed in bed the most..ehehe usually its the other way around. I don't know why I'm so tired. Must be something I ate..haha

Good Morning Spiderman!

hello,how is everyone feeling today? good? bad? happy? sad? silly billy? bleh.As you can see Yasmin has gone a little out of her head today. She's changed. She's been sleeping longer than Me and Ade now. Oh btw, This is Rachael. We're staying over at Ade's place and I'm going to blog for Yasmin because she's being a lazy bum. Anyways, Yas was the earliest to go to bed after watching Shrek 2 at the mall last night and yadida. Ade and i went to bed at almost 3am and woke up well early. Yas on the other hand, woke up at umm,late and she's still lazing around on the sofa in her pink PJ's reading. Haiyoh this girl! Ade's got new braces colour...Wheeeeeeee!so ugly.Kidding.Anyways, I've done a summary for Yas now. Oh yeah, She's been on the phone 24/7 so opposite of me. Usually during sleepovers, I'm on the phone 24/7 and i don't even layan them or anything.This time its the other way round. lalala. Breakfast calling. Gonna watch mean girls now before Adeline goes all crazy. Bye Bye World.

SPIDERMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN !!! I'M A BIG FAN.

bleh

I have espeed 2 set up on my sister's pc. Hopefully next week the wireless will be set up around the house so I can connect online through my pc. Anyway, p2 exam is in 3 hours. Wish me luck. I'll update later when I get home.

Eight in the morningggg

Saturday morning! It's half past eight.. and I'm at Ade's house! I came here to pick her up and finish baking my brownies in her oven..hehe silly girl went back to sleep. Haiyoh. We're suppose to go swimminggg.. but she went back to sleep!!!!!!! Argh.

Listening to Frankie - F.U. Right Back. Heheh, it's a nice song.. ah screw it. I'm waiting for my brownies to bake. We're suppose to go swimming, I guess plans for that are cancelled. sigh, twice in a row I don't get to go swimming =( So annoying. I'll go tomorrow alone lah, maybe then I'd get to work out a bit. I was so bloody pissed last night, I did a 2km run on my trendmill. Heh, I haven't had any workouts for a while. I should get around to it since I can't do any extreme exercises because of my leg. Anyhoots, I guess I'm just annoyed right now. I feel so blur. Hai.

I want money $$

Well, that's another girlie moved out from unangelic's family. Iyra, hehe you've been a great hostee :D I'm here when ever okay? ehehe hugs.

Anyways, time for another whining session from me. Today has been fucked unenjoyable. I had a very shitty unpleasant morning, thanks to SOME people. But that post is at home, I'll post it up as soon as someone comes over to fix my phone line. I'm at Adeline's house now, she called me up and asked me to come over. We (Ade, Rach and I) were suppose to go have dim sum this morning, but both girls over slept.. and I was pretty ticked off this morning. Seriously was not a good start to the day. My sister left for KL this afternoon, she's watching Saturday Night Fever this weekend.

Oh, my babyjoe Reza (the one in Paki) finally emailed me the other day. I'm so totally relieved =)

Where do I begin?

Where do I begin? Yesterday's general studies exam came out alright though I didn't get to finish my last sentence. I answered every question (there were five, and each had equally 12 marks) with a full page length answer. Come to think of it, I should have written less because my writing is small.. ehe those of you who've seen my writing can agree to this =)

Well, this means four days until my next three exams. Pure Maths 2 which should go okay since I've been practicing and I got 85% for my last mock.. which is excellent and lol, pleased the hell out of me =D And there's two other general studies papers, power and space I think? It should be because last night was the gs paper on conflict. The physics practical, I have obviously messed up. lol I don't know.. I didn't get enough time to think so *hope* that I'll do well.. bleh, I don't wish to talk about it.

The JIS Euro 2004 cup is going to be held in school this weekend. I had no idea that this was gonna happen this weekend, yich :S I want to go!!! haha

I think I got upset last night, like very. I was missing my one of my best friends, Reza. He's in Pakistan now, doing god knows what. Funny, my best friend and the guy I'm dating are both called Reza. Huge coincidence? I don't know. Anyway, about the Reza from Paki, I haven't spoken to him properly for ages.. since like before and after his birthday which was just a few weeks ago. I've e-mailed him and waited for him to come online =( but he's not there and he's not replying. Call me paranoid, but I have a right to be since he's gone missing. babes, I hope you're reading this.. please get back to me? I really miss you.

Anyway, on a lighter note.. I was on the phone for a while last night, felt tons better after talking to him. I think it was midnight when the phone line got disconnected. Haha my hello kad ran out :S My phone credits are running low, god.. what a bitch the phone lines are. I recharged on Saturday y'see.. and that means I had a fresh $20.25 in my phone. It was the night of the sixth form ball, so of course you'd expect a busy night with the phone constantly beeping with messages like "where are you?" "what are you wearing?" "are you staying over?" "who are you with?" etc etc, and well, you just gotta reply to them right? It would be so mean not to. Then there are the phone calls from mum and dad (who are without doubt worried of what you're up to) or from other people.. and there's also people borrowing your phone to call home to confirm what time they're getting picked up and all these other reasons..haha Okay okay, the next thing I know at the end of Sunday (that's a day and a half since I recharged, I am left with about $8.25 in my phone credit. Die liao. lol Now, I'm trying to get through the rest of the week with $2.25 in my phone. I don't know how..haha but I'll try.

I'm wondering if I should start putting a comment thing on my posts. Haha not that many people would have much to comment, but maybe it'll be good for the site. What do you think? haha comment on my tag-board please =D I still have tons of work to do with the site.. hopefully when I get a permanent internet connection the site will be up and running with links to other pages within the site e.g. the pictures section and maybe then I'll be able to open back up the unangelic.org group blog which features posters like myself, Kenneth, Randy, Yazidy, Adeline, Rach and etc. I closed it down because I wanted unangelic.org to be worked on a bit more. They'll be back, no worries =D I know they've got a lot of bitching ranting to do..hahaha mwah.

Okay, the next paragraphs are to my two angels,:
Adeline Ng, eh hui..hahaha I miss you mwah. I wanna go for dimsum. Get back to me when you can k? Tell me when you and Rach are both free and we can go together =D Pick a day when you don't have exams..ehe I don't have exams from the 25th of May til the 1st of June. Anytime during those days is fine. =)

Rach, eh yin..hehehe when do you wanna watch troy? Pick a day and we'll go. Fasterr..because he doesn't wanna watch it. to quote: "I am not going to sit through 3 hours watching you pay attention to Brad Pitt when you should be paying attention to me!". ahahahaha =D So yeah.. Personally, I don't find Brad Pitt cute.. I don't find many white American/European actors cute, I find Asian actors like Jet Li and Chow Yun Fat cute. Jet Li is gorgeous, he's my favourite actor of all time. lol I find people like Usher and DMX hot hot hot. hhahaha Then again, maybe that's just my taste =) Yes, the guy I'm going out with.. *glares at Rach and Ade* hahah I KNOW what you're going to SAY!!!! awu, he can be cute. He is cute. Not my usual taste, but he is cute. hahaha =) neways, love you two. text me as soon as you can.. I'll try to reply if I have a phone k? mwah.

Well, my days in general have been happy. I've got a guy who drives me into depression when he's not around (lol, you said this yourself baby), and I've got friends who mean the absolute world to me. haha I've been jumping around a lot (eheh hi Rach).. aghh.. I miss the days when I used to hang out with mummy Una and Rach at coffeebean..

This is to mona.. I totally agree with you. It's so disturbing. I cried, because the thought of it is scary.. it's like letting go of dreams and hopes. At our age, you haven't even made a mark in the world.. heck, you haven't even had time to trample on the flowers. I'll talk more about it soon, maybe after the whole thing blows down. sigh I can't talk about it as openly as you can cz I'm staying in this country. I might get arrested..haha =) I wish I could tho. hugs.

So anyway... To everyone else, happy belated mother's day (lol) and happy .. happy happy. SMILE! =D

Let me be

Well, today's the day I have my first exam. General studies, conflict. It's only AS level because we're suppose to drop the subject since it's only a core and isn't recognised by most universities (it's a very new subject).

I'm suppose to write up a personal statement, and I don't know where to begin. Can someone please help me with a starting line? :S I have no idea where to start. We're suppose to start applying in August with our predicted grades. I'm still unsure about dropping physics, I don't know if it's a good idea though I don't plan to continue with it in university. I guess my subject options are a bit narrow, but only because those subjects are the only ones of interest to me during the time. Math, Accounting and Business seems narrow huh? I wonder what LSE and Imperial would say if I applied with those subjects :S I guess I'm just paranoid. I know that I want to apply for accounting and finance in both universities..and maybe just keep my fingers crossed at what I want? :S Ah heck.

I don't remember what time I slept last night, sis and I were watching thirteen but mum made us switch it off.. heh =) Those who have seen it, you know what I mean. Blegh. I found the show disgusting, about one third through mum made us turn it off. Ah well.

I think I've gained weight. I've been eating and haven't been doing my usual exercise routines. yes, bad bad yasmin. *spank*. I went to the doctor's last week, on Saturday morning. He said I can't do any sports for six weeks instead =) That's a good thing right? School ENDS in six weeks. Gah =( I start school again on the 15th of June, that's when we'll be commencing with our A level studies. Maybe I should just carry on with four A level subjects instead of three.. or drop two and continue with another AS level subject? Oh man, I need to decide =( This is so depressing..

I'm trying to think what's so special about today. What is it. What is it. Maybe it's someone's birthday and I forgot. Argh. Ten days til my best friend, Aimi, celebrates her 18th birthday =) Five days until Shawn turns 17 with the rest of us!

I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt I ran into an old friend of mine, one of which I haven't spoken to for ages. We haven't spoken because of a misunderstanding maybe, I don't know but right now.. all I know is that I miss her. =(

Anyway. Went to my baby fwap's site. lol She's one of my youngest hostees, I'm not close to her but I sure do love her. =D I'm not sure who's younger.. nayt or her. haha you decide xoxo. AnyWAY. I stole this off her:

[Spell your first name backwards]: adi (my name is Ida Zetty Yasmin btw :P)
[The story behind your screenname]: unangelic is just another name I made up from thinking about someone who's not really an angel but isn't the devil. lol k, this was THREE years ago okay! :P
[How old?]: 17
[Where do you live?]: Brunei

DESCRIBE YOUR:
[Wallet] It's an orgininal burberry's that my mum bought for me when we were in Japan. It's the light brown one, lol. It's heavy and it costs more than the money I have in it. ahahaha
[Jewelry worn daily]: watch, a stud in my second ear piercing and whatever earrings that match my clothes during the day.
[Shoes]: I've got soo many shoes. lol my favourites at the moment are my basketball shoes. They're from Nike and they're blue. High cut, and they say MAX at the front =)
[Handbag]: I've only got one! hahaha Guess 91101.
[Favorite top]: oh wow. I don't know? The fcuk shirts are my favourite..haha
[Perfume/Cologne]: I've got plenty but I don't usually wear them. haha
[Piercings]: I've only got ear piercings. two on the left and one on the right. I'm getting more soon, when I build up the courage to go again. haha one of these days I will get my belly button pierced! I wanna get an eye brow piercing too..but I think mum would kill me.
[What you are wearing now]: Adidas tank top and my red school basketball shorts.
[Hair]: tied up in a bun.
[Makeup]: not wearing any!
[In my mouth]: nothing
[In my head]: hahaha reza reza reza. I'm hungry!!!!!!!
[Wishing]: to stop thinking about food.
[Talking to]: no one
[Eating]: later not now :S
[Some of your favorite movies]: I've always loved movies by Jet Li because of the whole martial arts thing. I should learn to do karate one day..haha
[Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]: upcoming month? Well, my bestfriends.. Lina, Aqilah and Reza (no not the one I mentioned just now) are all coming back next month! I can't wait!!!
[The last thing you ate?]: Microwaved chicken.
[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: I'm scared of losing :S
[Do you believe in love]: yes
[Do you believe in soul mates]: yes
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: yes
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: not really. it takes time for me to forgive. i have a different philosophy for forgiveness.
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: kitty cat!
[What are some of your favorite pig out foods?]: salt and vinegar lays!!!!! cheezballs, malteasters, m&ms.
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: I wish I could understand why people always try to keep me apart from the things/people I love.
[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]: ARGH. I miss Reza 1, Reza 2 (rofl), aQilah, Lina, Masyitah..

In the last 24 hours, have you:
[Cried?]: um. yes.
[Bought something?]: I bought cookies!
[Gotten sick]: yes.
[Sang?]: I sang along to the whole busted album yesterday.
[Eaten?]: yes.
[Been kissed?]: no.
[Felt stupid?]: totally.
[Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't?]: not really.
[Met someone new?]: nope.
[Moved on?]: little steps will eventually lead to bigger ones.
[Talked to an ex?]: yes.
[Missed an ex?]: a little bit.
[Talked to someone you have a crush on?]: definately!!!
[Had a serious talk?]: no because no one EVER takes me seriously.
[Missed someone?]: yesssssssssssssss
[Hugged someone?]: nope.
[Fought with your parents?]: yesterday
[Dreamed about someone you can't be with?]: no

Personal:
[Who is your role model?]:oh I got plenty. but I only take different parts of them and together, they combine the perfect person.. that's who I wanna be. =D
[What is some of your pet peeves?]: what's a peev?
[Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with?]: yes
[Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?]: that happens a lot doesn't it?
[Do you have a "type" of person you always go after?]: i used to, but screw it. haha the guy I like meets my requirements.
[Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you?]: sometimes. but I don't want to because that's not nice.
[Rather be dumper or dumped?]: I'd rather be a dumper. I hate getting dumped, it frigging hurts.
[Ever liked your best guy/girl friend?]: lol yes, we went out together after that. Lasted almost two years, but sadly enough that had to end.
[Do you want to get married?]: yes
[Do you want kids?]: yes, but not too many :S two or three is enough. haha
[Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time?]: I don't know..
[What is your favorite part of your physical appearance?]: I like my eye brows. hahahahahahaha oh I like my legs too..hehehehehehe
[What is your favorite part of your emotional being?]: my thoughts are distubing, so I don't like that. i like the fact that I love to type up my thoughts.
[Are you happy with you?]: sometimes, but most of the time, especially when I'm alone, I'm not that happy.
[Are you happy with your life?]: yeah, but there are times when I think I'd just want to give up.
[If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be?]: Take away these depressing throughts in my head..

ANYWAY. lol =D I'm done. I miss the three girls. I don't really know why, haha I guess it's because I didn't really hang out with them before they left to NY =\ It's okay, you guys are gonna come back soon right? =) We'll catch up then. Diya, I'll e-mail you when i get the time k? lol. I'm so busy with exams right now. luv ya tons! xoxox.

I'm so friggin hungryyyyyyyyy..

happy happy happy!

I don't really know why I came online tonight. I'm happy. I'm deleriously happy. The past three and a half weeks have been amazing for me, with my moods swinging up and down.

Okay, I just realized that my templates are messed up. lol.

It's fixed. Stop whining Adeline. I feel so goddamn loved <3

I eat too much.

First. lol, Beelz has moved away from meeeeeeeee... haha but its okay sweetie. Gluck with your domain. love you lots! mwah. xoxox Come back soon! hahaha We'll go have a drink at Cz ;D as always, you, me, your sisters and my sister.

Second. Argh. lol ALL I EVER DO NOW IS EAT. I know who to blame because he's making me miss him to much, as a result I EATTTTTTTTTTTT.. hahaha k, I hope he's not reading this because he's going to feel very insulted. But I do miss you =(

Anyways, I added a calendar on the site. What you see there is from my phone calendar. So don't start getting offensive on me if your birthday's not in it :P Hehe I've updated some of the links, I'm offline as I'm typing this so I may have forgotten some people :S I'll get round to it soon.

Third. E-speed2 is supposedly out already, I'm waiting for my parents to pick up the modem. As soon as they do that, the wireless network around the house will start up again so then I can update via my angel13's screen. In case you guys have forgotten, angel13's my pc's name. ehe <3 So, when I actually get proper internet connection, maybe then I can start working on unangelic again properly because ever since I've moved here, I've slacked off like there IS a tomorrow. I've been updating via my sister's pc, she's not that happy that I'm doing that.

Forth. Over the weekend was the JIS Sixth Form Ball at Empire's Indra Kayangan. I stayed over at the South Lagoon with Rachael and Hazirah. I didn't bring a camera (I don't own one =\), but I did take photos with a lot of my friends. I wore a red dress, I'm bad at describing things.. so I'll just post up the photos when I get them from my friends =)

The guys looked beautiful! haha Randy was wearing a red tie, Juls wore a red shirt and white tie (yes, they matched me..haha), Shawn with his blue shirt..mafia king liao. hahaha Eng Hock in a suit.. oh man, I could just imagine us in about five years time, still friends and having dinner somewhere. Hahahaha Looking so dignified and professional. Brandon, Randy and Juls living up their dreams of being someone in the medical/engineering field. Eng Hock and I becoming the business people..hahaha wow. Aimi.. she looked fantastic in her black and white dress. She had a date who bought her roses~ =P me, I walked around with different people. lol =D

We sat with Ms. Claire and Mr. Lauder at the table. Eee.. so fun. The dinner started at about 9pm, the dancing started at about 1030pm. Oh wow, you should have seen the teachers' that were dancing on the dance floor. What moves. hahaha It was a blast! Reza came around with Hafiz and then I hung out with them until I don't know when. I had a long talk with Reza about everything. He's so.. I don't know =) Sweet. He's really nice. I don't remember what time they left but I know that I went to bed at 4am, after having a nice heart to heart talk with Shahyzul. Haha, I remember knocking around at people's rooms at 3am in the morning. I remember seeing Bong running around downstairs..hahahaha I rememberrr a loot of things that happened that I don't think I should talk about right now. lol..haha but anyways, other people went to bed around 530am or later.

Funny because I think most of the rooms at the Lagoon were being occupied by JIS students because everyone was running around, singing and everything else there, not at the main lobby, but at the lagoon! we were all there, laughing after the ball ended. I think most people stayed on the 2nd level. It was so much fun! =D Fee Fee stayed over with Nazree, their room was a level below us. Ahh.. Someone called my room at 6am in the morning, IT WAS A BLOODY WAKE UP CALL. Geez, it was a nasty prack. lol NOT FUNNY. ahahaa okay, fine. If the joke wasn't on me, it would be funny. I had breakfast with Rach, Hazie, Yazid, Iqbal and Khairul around 10am. Rach and I went back to our room to pack, and we checked out at about noon.

Fifth. After that we went down to Gadong and had a drink at the West Street Side cafe. I just recharged yesterday, and now I'm left with an $8.15 credit balace in my phone. Yergh. Mum and Dad are on leave for the next few weeks, I'm on study leave. They're not home right now, they left early this morning to get some errands done. I haven't even eaten breakfast yet. Sigh. It's so hard staying somewhere where everything seems to be half an hour away. haha I live in the rural areas of Brunei, where there aren't many houses or shops. Gadong is a thirty minute ride, and so is Jerudong. That goes for school as well, the quickest time I've ever gotten go Gadong is twenty minutes. But its alright I guess. Did I mention I live near a chicken farm? My house is on a hill, the chicken farm is up an even higher hill. So weird.

Sixth. It gets freaky here at night when the wind is blowing because sometimes your imagination start to run wild and you're thinking that the wind that is blowing is actually a little child crying or calling out for help. Yes, it is that freaky living here.

Seventh. I don't smoke, I have never tried. And I hope I never will. I don't drink either..haha I'm so proud of you for trying to quit smoking =) Keep going! hugs. Just think of me kicking your ass if you even TRY to light up. hahaha I miss you. xoxoxo. 5 days to go til I see you again =D

Melon! i miss you girl. lol hugs. We'll talk soon k? xoxo.

Prac exam in two days!

I need to clear my head..

It's not so clear when you're not even sure of what you want in life, or what you're actually getting from it. In about five days, it will be the start of my AS examinations, the results of these examinations I sit will either pull me down or push me towards the edge of where I'd like to be in about a year's time. It's always been my dream to continue my studies in the UK; it's always been one of the things I've aimed towards since I was a little girl. It's hard to believe now that I'm an actual senior in school since the year 13's have left JIS now.

I had a talk with one of my best friends' today, and I was listening to my best friend tell me about how things are so different and how their perspective towards school has changed. I love school, I still do. But to them, it seems like nothing seems worth it anymore because most of the people they've ever loved and cared for (besides me of course) has left JIS. Now, all she wants is to get things done and over with. In a couple of years, we'll be graduating from university... and hopefully, from there it'll be a stepping stone towards our dreams and hopes. Maybe then we'll achieve self actualization (oh business term!! ;P) like in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs =)

I've been in JIS for four years now, it's still hard to believe (think I've said this already) that next year I will be graduating out of the Sixth Form. It's funny; when I came to JIS I wanted to be in the student council. That dream is gone now because I didn't get a position. It hurts, but unfortunately I didn't get a position. I'm frustrated, but I can't let that get to me. Everyone's saying that it's better for me because then I'd be able to concentrate on my studies. I'm a freak I can admit to that, my confession is I can do things better when I'm doing two things at once. I know a lot of people who can vouch me on that.

Heart aches come and go. I guess I have so much free time that I spend that time making myself feel depressed. I don't know why I do that because I think that I do deserve to be happy at times... but there are times when I feel guilty when I'm happy. I've been hurt so many times by different people, and all because of different reasons. I know that at times, those people might reminisce of the times we've spent together, and I know that those memories may bring them pain as well. I guess I've got so many people in my life that after being happy for a while, I go back to my depression to make up for feeling happy. I'm not making much sense am I? Ah, they're just thoughts.

When I think about it, maybe it's true. Maybe I am afraid to smile, perhaps its guilt... or a different motive behind my fake smiles and pretense happiness. I don't know. I thought about a lot of things last night, ranging from my feelings to the times I've cried for reasons I thought as then were good enough. I talked to Reza <3 on the phone last night, he cheered me up a little. I don't know why I'm going through another depressing stage... maybe it's the exam 'stress' that people around me seem to be getting, or maybe it's just my thoughts getting in my way again.

Maybe what I'm saying is not worth saying, but at least it's cleared my head. I made promises to myself, I'm determined to do well in my AS exams. I can't afford to mess up because part of these results will help me determine my future. Sigh. This is depressing.

I need to drink some tea.

I need to clear my head.. I need people to set me straight with what they really want from me.. because right now, I'm not so sure myself.

I'll be back in a while.

So I haven't updated for over a week. I'm not sorry, I've just been really busy living up my life to its 'expectations'. My exams start in exactly seven days, I can't wait to get them done and over with. I really need to score during these three weeks of constant poundings of AS examinations.

I've been sitting for mocks almost every day, fun fun fun. >.< ARGH. One week of not signing into blogger and it has changed its layout! What the hellllllllll.. sigh. Ah, it's gonna take time to get used to. But the layout is nice and fresh. It's a change I suppose.

My phone credits are low. I'm complaining..haha because I'm broke. I have no money for the rest of the month. THANK GOD for my exams. Three weeks. $5 x 21 days = $105 saved. haha yay =) yes, i spend at least $5 per day, in and out of school. I don't know what I buy, don't ask me. I never have anything to prove my purchases.. its usually food anyway =P

I've been out with Reza <3 a lot, we've been spending a lot of time hanging out in Gadong. He's a sweetheart =)Too bad I only get to see him during weekends..haha but it's alright. Exams coming up and I gotta concerntrate. Anyhoots, Speaking of Rezas, where the hell is my bestfriend huh? Reza Mustappa? BABYJOE!!!! Hellloo besttfrieenndddd..where the hell are youu? email me goddamnit. YOU KNOW both my school and hotmail emails. Argh =( I miss you babes. I really need you.

I finally signed in my MSN. Hehehe, I was amazed to see that in just three days I've received more emails than I can possibly handle. I'm thankful though that I've got my girls emailing me again =) I miss you guys tons!! Lina, if you're reading this.. EMAIL ME GIRLFRIEND! mwah. ehe

JIS Idol is this Friday. I've got my tickets. Ah. I don't feel like posting anymore. I'll be back. I guess you could say I'll be taking a break from blogging for a while.. =)

I love you.
xoxox.

Exams stress. hah!

I finally found my exam time table last night. lol, I've been studying.. but not as much as people (i.e. my teachers) would like me to. Heck, I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm seriously relaxed with all the exams coming up to my ears, and I don't feel that much nervousness as I usually do when it comes to exams. I guess I'm still in shock and my system is still trying to register the fact that my exams happen every six months throughout my whole two short years of A levels.

I've been out almost everyday. No, I'm not feeling guilty about it because I study before I go out. =) I went out with Reza <3 again yesterday, we watched Win a date with Tad Hamilton, then we met up with Hafiz, Zura, faye <3 and Pinky. They are seriously a funny bunch. lol I had fun =)Bumped into Adeline and her mom at West Street Cafe (that's the new cafe next to the cineplex). Her exams start on Monday next week, exactly seven days from now. My exams start in about two and a half weeks, starting with a general studies paper on a Wednesday evening. I've got twelve papers to sit for and one physics practical.

Exam list:
19th May - General Studies: Conflict
20th May - Physics Unit 3 Practical
24th May - Mathematics Pure 2 & General Studies: Power and Space.
2nd June - Accounting Multiple Choice and Structural core papers
8th June - Business Studies: Unit 1, 2 & 3
9th June - Mathematics Mechanics 1
14th June - Physics: Unit 1 & 3

Haha, good thing is my papers are nicely spread out. Although I'm annoyed that my accounting paper is during the school term break! Yich. Oh well. =) I'm browsing through random websites I got via my hostees' links. eheh, my god. I can just feel my eyebrows arching up.

Sigh. =)

p.s Happy birthday Sal. Hope you have a great day! mwah. xoxox

I'm gonna split you sideways.

Maybe today God is just testing me on how far I can tolerate things in my life. Sigh. Thank you. I've got one of the worst tempers ever. I can be such a pain at times, some people have no idea. Yeah, I'm seriously pissed off with someone.. and he probably has no clue cos he's too busy buaya-ing every girl in the world. Useless piece of git.

I went out with Reza <3 today (lol, no. not my best friend. This is another Reza.), he's seriously a sweetie. lol We watched Starsky and Hutch and hung out at some cafes. ehe =) Rachy slept over last night, we had dinner with Adeline and her parents at Escapade (sp?). Ade's parents dropped me and Rach off at the mall after dinner and we went to check out the new Joenah shop at the mall.

I ran into Faye, Mel, Fez, Hazz and etc at Ideal. haha I was with Shafz and Rach who were helping me walk around gadong because of my leg. Did I mention that I'm limping? Yeah, my leg is as messed up as hell. I went to watch the basketball match in school yesterday evening. I did the scores, JIS won 38 - 29 against St. Georges.

Exams are in two weeks. I've been practicing with my mechanic past year papers. It's so screwy man =( I had a mock a few days back and got my results back. 52% is not enough to get my my grade A in maths!!!!!!!!! ARGH. My teacher says I just need more practice, I think it's because it seriously still does not make any sense to me whatsoever. Sigh. This is depressing. Whatever you know? hai.

I had three business mocks this week alone, on all units. Those mocks were oh, HARD. Well, not really.. I'm just not satisfied with the way I answered the questions. Hopefully I'll turn out with a B average. Sigh, my god man. I had a physics mock as well, it was divided into two because we had only one single period on Thursday and Friday. The teacher's annoyed because we miss our Monday double because of the holiday.

Speaking of Monday, Sal's birthday is on Monday. =) He's gonna be 19. Happy Advance Jijoy! *hug* It's Tina's birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABUNYA!

What else happened this week? Hm. I injured my leg during basketball practice. Sucks. I have a craving for ice cream. I made chicken rice today. I also made some biscuits for mom. Sigh. Tomorrow's a Sunday. I think I'm gonna study.. see first lah. I've been meaning to take my mom out. Or maybe I might hang out with Reza again. I bought myself a self belated birthday present. I bought a new Busted CD. I'm so happy <3 I love busted, they're like my favourite group ever. lol, no I don't know their profiles but I love their songs. hehehe =D <3 <3 <3

I've been thinking, I think today was the only day I see myself with smiley faces, all giggly and happy. Like sincerely happy. =) Thank you to that person who kept me company today ehehe *hugs* Rez =D I haven't felt that good in ages..haha and funny enough how you and I seem to click and get along very well =)

Anyway.

I need to learn to control my temper.