vainess strucked..

Haha. Yes, I'm getting vain-er.. yes, I'm cheering up.. yes, I'm going to do so much better than you ever think I will.

xx

ps. My LJ is up. :)

Call me out..

I messed up the layout the other day. Sorry~ and since my PC got reformatted, I can't be bothered to try and get the codes back. So here's an emergency layout from Blogger =)

Call me out
You stayed inside
One you love
Is where you hide
Shot me down as I flew by
Crash and burn
I think sometimes you forget where the heart is

whoah, I can't believe it's 730pm already. I just got home less than an hour ago from school. The guys had a basketball match against ISB. hehe Leo helped me with the time/score keeping :) But before that, Pheng, Bong, Michelle W. and I went to Aimi's house for Raya. Hehe. Ate, a lot. kanyang lah XP

Haha. Yes, I'm so bored. I've run out of funds.. internally. My lack of internal sources of finance (hahaha hello business students) means lack of buying things, lack of everything ..haha lunch included :S I think I better start saving money. Leaving for KL soon, in exactly a week from tomorrow. I don't know why, but it seems like I've lost my excitement for it (not that I was that enthusiastic about it the last time). I love basketball, there's no doubt about that. It's become my number one favourite sport.. Bowling has gone down a rank because I don't bowl anymore =( It's sad to see such a nice sport along with talent (hehe XP) go down the drain~

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening now
Can't you see something's missing?
You forget where the heart is

I volunteered to tutor Leo in accounting (duno eh..haha), but promised Alisa the same thing ages ago..hahaha but she hasn't asked me anything..so I'll wait til she does. I'm gona watch shutter with Yazidy and Hazie this weekend =) I was going to go down to KB to celebrate Chris's 17th birthday, but I have no transport.. Sorry darling =( I can't go. I wish I could though.

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay

I got off the phone with Yazid A. a while ago, being the bitch that he is (HAHAHA sorry wah), insisted I come over with Aimi for Hari Raya. XP School night wah. I have to do homeworrkkkk.. maybe friday aights? :D :D :D :D

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life, what's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is
It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

I wish I could have a whole day where I could just sit and recollect my thoughts. Life is like a huge balloon that eventually goes down flat because of the microscopic holes in the plastic.. even when the knot is tied as tight as it can be. I'm tired, exhausted even. Demands from teachers never let up, it's a wonder how we can keep up. I wonder if they really mean it when they say we're not suppose to have a social life.. that's just plain ignorant. I don't know. I think they're just kidding, but it makes you wonder if there's any truth in it. They want you to make an effort in life, make yourself become social? how the hell are we suppose to do that when everything (even the bloody weekend) involves homework. blehhhhh..

Love,
yarz
xxx.

I'll keep asking.

Everyday, I ask myself. When it comes to making decisions, what can I say? I'm crap at them. I'm indecisive and I worry about the consequences that might happen after I make them.

I think of myself as selfish, when I decide upon something that would benefit me.. even if it's something I know that can make me happy. Is that even ethical? Once in a while, I'll tell the world to screw itself because I know I deserve to be happy every now and then (and I will mention this over and over again when I decide upon something that makes me happy). Being depressed doesn't get me anywhere, and being happy would only lead me to getting high expectations and hope.. once again, eventually I would burn down and simply fall.

It sucks when you don't really know what you want in life. I didn't really know what to do tonight, skipping school today wasn't really an option. It just happened. I didn't wake up, I didn't do anything. I would have and should have studied for my Pure Math 3 test tomorrow, along with my capital appraisal test. Bleh. We have another open house tonight at my house. Thanks to everyone who came last night.. =)

I have a new layout coming up, with a lot of help from nizam on the cam portal and some comments from people I'm close to. hehe hopefully it'll be something a lot like my other layouts, but different (that didn't make sense). I made three display images for myself on my msgner.. I have a weird thing for scripes now. It looks so cool. Which reminds me, I have to download my yahoo msgner soon.

I have my little cousin in my room. She looks a lot like me when I was a kid, and that's just scary. Haha. I think my family's worried she might turn in to me one day, HAHA the other side of me, or so my smart-ass cousins say. Whatever that means ;p

I joined LJ the other day, along with DeviantArt just yesterday. Yes, I'm jobless. Sue me. I need to renew uA.org's subscription.. (yes it's that time of year again..). La de dah.

love,
yarz.
xxx

brb.

hey everyone,

sorry for not updating for a while. I've been really busy + happy (weird ah?). I'm still not seeing anyone (thank god for that), exams are over.. puasa is over, and raya is here. I've been extremely (unbelievably) busy. So my sincerest apologies to anyone who comes to the site regularly. Everything should be back up and running before the first week of December before I leave for KL to play in the FOBESSIA games at Alice Smith.

Angel13 busted up about a week ago, and I had a really nice green layout to publish and show everyone. Unfortunately, due to that unforseen circumstance.. angel13 had to be reformatted and every detail, image, MP3 (!!), notes, tutorials I had saved in her have disappeared and I doubt they'll ever reappear again.

So, if you can excuse me. I'm taking a while to just rest and lay back because things are jut so weird right now. I just got back from a school basketball game about an hour or so ago, and I think I better go shower.

I'll be back as soon as possible. Think of me on vacation or something. I will update whenever I can or whenever I feel like venting, but other than that.. don't expect too much.

I'm working on a number of things for uA.org, one of which is that I'm officially unangelic.org/fall now..hehe and we have a new hostee: 8teen. I made a cam portal which I'm still working on, http://www.unangelic.org/portal/, so submit your cams tho the whole site won't be active til end of november/early december. I think i have to download a new cuteftp32 (damnit.., YAZID AZAHARI I NEED YOU. HAHA XP) because of the reformatting I've lost all my bloody codes.. (shit) and yeah, I will be back soon.

love,
yarz.

Happy Birthday Rach =)

This might be about an hour delayed so screw you if you think I'm late. Haha. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RACHAEL YEO who turned 18 about 25 hours ago. Sorry I didn't post any earlier, I came home late.

Hm, I don't really have much disturbing thoughts rotting my brain right now because I am in a feeling of content. I'm happy. Isn't that just weird? Things are falling into place, as anticipated by many. And yes, some things in life are worth waiting for even though you haven't the slightest idea of what they may be. I'm grateful, to have friends who have managed to make me laugh and allow me to get through my day. I have been stressed out for the past month, due to exams and utter exhaustion by my teachers. I can't keep up the pace yet, because of the demands from teachers I'm given.. I'm sorry if I haven't done much of anyone's work (let it be classwork or homework) lately.. but there's only one of me and there's only so much I can do.

Being depressed has always put me into a different perspective compared to others. I see the downside of things when people would much rather see the opposite. I wonder why people begin relationships that they know will eventually fail. I'd say I used to be like that, beginning relationships that I know will eventually fail, though I know neither of us would have wanted it to end the way it did.. but what can I say? Conflicting interest, beliefs and religions always make big impacts and changes in a relationship, even if a special understanding has been created between the couple.. It's always the outside pebbles that are trying to break into the force field that disturb the peace and harmony of those who are happy.

It's true isn't it? Wouldn't you just hate it if you saw someone who's happier than you? Better off than you? It's all petty jealousy. I can admit that I am jealous when I think about the people around me who have found their soul mates or 'love of their lives', because I want that too. But I'm not going to get together with some guy just for the sake of it. I want my next relationship to last.

I will post about Rach's party and what I did tonight later.. but..

It's late. I'm off to bed. Good night.

love,
yarz.

heello =)

Just got back from the hospital. If I haven't told you, then uh, I guess you don't know. Dad's been admitted in there because of a very bad golf swing. Whoopsie. He's going to be staying there for about 4-5 days. Sigh. It's so weird without him around the house.

Anyways, about two hours ago I sat my Mechanics 1 exam of which I can happily say that the exam was very good and thank god I revised and came into school and asked questions about everything I didn't understand. Yes, Yes. F = ma and R - mg = 0 and all that jazz. VERY NICE. =) Yay. Sad thing is that I didn't get to see that guy.. HAHA sheesh. Okay, next time I'm closing my eyes. No more crushing on cute guys in school because boys can be sooo mean some times! Sometimes not worth it (GO YAS!!)

Rz's in in in.. dubai now I think. Haha. I should hope so anyway. He hasn't e-mailed/texted/called or anything.. so I'm not that sure. Someone by the name of Fathu added me on MSN. Who is that? o_O

Okay, okay.. the good news.

1. Rz will be back in Brunei in LESS THAN TWO DAYS.
2. Arvin messaged me on friendster!
3. geek & idiot. such a cute couple. too bad idiot doesn't know about geek. HAHA XP sorry, inside joke. hehe.
4. 2 days til my accounting exam.
5. my mechanics exam was sooooooooo nice. it was 400% better than the paper I sat back in June because this time I could actually ANSWER the questions :D :D :D :D :D *jumps around with joy*

y'know, I haven't done any holiday homework. Heheh. I'm so dead. I have school tomorrow. Sigh. I should be studying.

I think I'm hyper. Hehe.

Good night.

love,
yarz.