Tested out bloggar for the first time a couple of days ago, I've been messing around with the server. I've deleted /adonis, /bunny, /zowk and /diamonds so you won't be hearing *much* from them anymore. Anyways, I'm using bloggar now.. yup. I'm currently working on a version 6, which won't be published until July-ish because I'm tweaking it here and there. I'm basically done with the layout, it's the content that I'm vamping up and updating. blah blah blah.
Exams are almost over. I've only one left, I can't wait until they are actually done and over with. It'll be so much fun :D I hope so anyway. I finally went out with a different group of people yesterday, strangely enough it felt weird. It was the old gang y'know? but it just didn't feel the same. I guess things change, people change. I have a date with some girlfriends this saturday afternoon, along with ranziboobs :) This should be interesting since we haven't hung out in ages.. It's been a while.
Like I said, people change. About 8 years ago, I wore glasses that were oval. Today, my glasses are somwhat rectangular shaped and their degrees have jumped by 4.50 on each eye. You see, I started with 1.00L and 0.75R. Heh. Yes, a 450% jump on my left and a 600% jump on the right. Sweet. About 7 years ago, I used to wear a tudong to school. Today, I wear a tudong on private functions. About 6 years ago, I had red/orange short hair. Today, I have brown hair, that's past my shoulders. About 5 years ago, I cut my hair shorter than you'd normally see on a girl. I had a boy cut =P About 4 years ago, I learnt to wear contacts on a daily basis. About 4 years ago, I had my hair rebonded. About 3 years ago, I grew a higher interest in sports. Sigh, now..
I might be becoming a hermit or something. It's more like 'anti-social' drama all over again. It's not enjoyable of course, I'm hostile and most of the time I wish to be left alone from people I barely know or have taken myself away form. Basically, I just prefer to be left alone. Then again, that would be a bad thing because when I'm left alone I tend to think of a lot of things; like how I'm going to die, how I'm going to live my life in the next ten years, what the hell is going to happen to me if my A level grades suck, what I'm going to do in ten years time, where will I be in ten years time, will I live in ten years time?Yes, the normal thoughts of an eighteen year old. What were you doing when you were eighteen? =) Band practice, sharing jokes with friends. Me? I don't really have that anymore. The guys I used to hang out with have left Brunei and are in Australia or I'm just sick of them and they're probably sick of me. Friends? Ha. I don't really feel that have any close friends anymore. I blame myself for that, though if anyone else is willing to take the blame be my guest so I can feel slightly better.
I need friends. mygod. =( I need you and you back. I don't want to throw it away again..I wish I could kill the pain I feel whenever I wish things were different. It's a feeling I wish I never experienced and sometimes I cry and pray that things would become better. Over time, I guess people learn through mistakes. Though, when you think about it when mistakes happen, things can never go back to the way it was again. I think we've tried, dozens of times.. it just feels weird. It's either pretending or just forcing yourself to be someone you're not.. or in other words, someone you once were. I wish I could live life without regrets, but it's hard to say that. I want to say that more than anything, but that's just lying. I live in comfort with what I have now because I've found what I've been looking for (those who receieved my email know this..) in the man I love, and I am without a doubt happy. Life takes you through different paths, but you're never sure of which road to take unless you try it out. Open another door and close the other. I have to learn to accept that eventually. No matter what the costs are. Friends are suppose to be for keeps, although we're no longer close as we once were, it doesn't mean anyone has the right to bitch about them, bring them down etc. I won't do that, no matter how much hurt I've felt. I just hope everyone else is doing the same.
So, the last exam is tomorrow. I'm estatic, but at the same time I'm freaked out of my skin because its Unit 6 business studies. My worse topic: external influences. sigh. I guess for now I can just pray, pray and pray for the best and hope that those two years of studying A2/AS levels didn't go down to the drain and an amount of $48k++ has not be wasted on me.
Guess I'm done ranting.
From these moments:
rachael's birthday at coffeezone, kiulap.
This would be the last group photo I have other than randy's last day at the airport (which I don't have);
Yup, now I'm that girl sitting and eating chocolate fudge cake at solitude.
love,
yasmin.
Exams are almost over. I've only one left, I can't wait until they are actually done and over with. It'll be so much fun :D I hope so anyway. I finally went out with a different group of people yesterday, strangely enough it felt weird. It was the old gang y'know? but it just didn't feel the same. I guess things change, people change. I have a date with some girlfriends this saturday afternoon, along with ranziboobs :) This should be interesting since we haven't hung out in ages.. It's been a while.
Like I said, people change. About 8 years ago, I wore glasses that were oval. Today, my glasses are somwhat rectangular shaped and their degrees have jumped by 4.50 on each eye. You see, I started with 1.00L and 0.75R. Heh. Yes, a 450% jump on my left and a 600% jump on the right. Sweet. About 7 years ago, I used to wear a tudong to school. Today, I wear a tudong on private functions. About 6 years ago, I had red/orange short hair. Today, I have brown hair, that's past my shoulders. About 5 years ago, I cut my hair shorter than you'd normally see on a girl. I had a boy cut =P About 4 years ago, I learnt to wear contacts on a daily basis. About 4 years ago, I had my hair rebonded. About 3 years ago, I grew a higher interest in sports. Sigh, now..
I might be becoming a hermit or something. It's more like 'anti-social' drama all over again. It's not enjoyable of course, I'm hostile and most of the time I wish to be left alone from people I barely know or have taken myself away form. Basically, I just prefer to be left alone. Then again, that would be a bad thing because when I'm left alone I tend to think of a lot of things; like how I'm going to die, how I'm going to live my life in the next ten years, what the hell is going to happen to me if my A level grades suck, what I'm going to do in ten years time, where will I be in ten years time, will I live in ten years time?Yes, the normal thoughts of an eighteen year old. What were you doing when you were eighteen? =) Band practice, sharing jokes with friends. Me? I don't really have that anymore. The guys I used to hang out with have left Brunei and are in Australia or I'm just sick of them and they're probably sick of me. Friends? Ha. I don't really feel that have any close friends anymore. I blame myself for that, though if anyone else is willing to take the blame be my guest so I can feel slightly better.
I need friends. mygod. =( I need you and you back. I don't want to throw it away again..I wish I could kill the pain I feel whenever I wish things were different. It's a feeling I wish I never experienced and sometimes I cry and pray that things would become better. Over time, I guess people learn through mistakes. Though, when you think about it when mistakes happen, things can never go back to the way it was again. I think we've tried, dozens of times.. it just feels weird. It's either pretending or just forcing yourself to be someone you're not.. or in other words, someone you once were. I wish I could live life without regrets, but it's hard to say that. I want to say that more than anything, but that's just lying. I live in comfort with what I have now because I've found what I've been looking for (those who receieved my email know this..) in the man I love, and I am without a doubt happy. Life takes you through different paths, but you're never sure of which road to take unless you try it out. Open another door and close the other. I have to learn to accept that eventually. No matter what the costs are. Friends are suppose to be for keeps, although we're no longer close as we once were, it doesn't mean anyone has the right to bitch about them, bring them down etc. I won't do that, no matter how much hurt I've felt. I just hope everyone else is doing the same.
So, the last exam is tomorrow. I'm estatic, but at the same time I'm freaked out of my skin because its Unit 6 business studies. My worse topic: external influences. sigh. I guess for now I can just pray, pray and pray for the best and hope that those two years of studying A2/AS levels didn't go down to the drain and an amount of $48k++ has not be wasted on me.
Guess I'm done ranting.
From these moments:
Year 2003
Silly moments Year 2004
on adeline's birthday at her house || rachael and I at JP This would be the last group photo I have other than randy's last day at the airport (which I don't have);
Year 2005
Yup, now I'm that girl sitting and eating chocolate fudge cake at solitude.
love,
yasmin.
2 comments:
good luck huns, kick ass hehe *hugs*
yknow, same thing just happened to me - well only when i discovered that time alone to urself doesnt mean that ur living a sad life.
yknow what i did? i made a video of all the times when my friends and i hung out n distributed it to them.
no matter how people change, memories stay. the video helped everyone remember that. plus, i made one cool video! haha!
Post a Comment