Take a backseat.

You can't take life just sitting way back, relaxing. Though sometimes you wish you could. Wouldn't it be dandy if things just followed through as they were suppose to? But nothing really happens until you make it happen, someone or something has to take the first step. Well, I can't make myself go to sleep weirdly enough. It's hours past my usual sleeping time, I guess I've messed up my sleeping patterns yet again, thanks to the exams.

So, its all over. How do I feel? To be quite honest, I don't really know. I guess there is some part of me that feels disappointed that this chapter of my life is finally coming to an end and will eventually be closed. I feel scared to move on, let alone let go of what I have and have had. It's like a flood of emotions. Part of me wants to jump for joy because the worst is finally over, all the crying, studying, ego and confidence being beaten by a sledge hammer.. all that, it's over. Sigh.

It's just depressing. I don't really want to think about it but sometimes it's unavoidable. Other things that are giving me a headache would be my university choices, that's another thing I was suppose to think about. I wish I didn't have to, but I don't think I can stand staying here another year doing nothing anyway. It'll just end up rotting my brain. I know I'll end up in UK, the next question is, which part.. and what course. Sure, I've got my offers. Heh. They're all lovely mind you, the only place I don't really want to go to is Manchester. So I've got four universities to choose from. Nyah. On a happier note; I'm really glad I started reading books again, because I was begining to feel somewhat misguided and uncreative. The books I've read over the past two months have helped me work out my imagination and creativity.. most of all, they've helped me seek out emotions and think of new things and ideas.

For now, all I can do is pray for the best.. and just try not to cry. I guess I'm going to kill time by taking more photos of things around me (like the mysterious bed. pft), or try and spend as much time as I can with the darlings that are coming back. I'm going to watch the md basketball tourney since I'm not playing, maybe root for the guys that are playing. Start my driving lessons. Convince my mom that I don't need new bakery skills. Sigh. Who knows? Maybe I'll make new friends.

love,
yasmin.

replies;
mon: *hug* gluck darls! hope you kick ass.
syaf: yeah I know. Its weird, like.. you wanna be happy but something's missing. It's not exactly sad, it's just a gap or a hole that's no longer filled.