Is it enough to just please?

I was telling my friend what a great guy he is, and how people cannot see just how wonderful he is just by looking at him. Beauty's not just skin deep, and I think everyone knows that. I can see and I know that people are beautiful, in many ways, and it does not have to be anything physical. I think it just takes time to see how truely wonderful a person is. If they look good, sure, that's a bonus too. Haha but You, my buddy boy, you're everything and I think anyone who ends up with you is gonna be one helluva lucky woman =) Trust me, I just need you to be confident. It'll work out for the best. hehe luv ya! xox.

It's so beautiful once you sit down and think about the things you ought to appreciate. It's going to be my last year in JIS, and after spending four years (five at the end of June 2005) there I think it's about time I become more appreciative of what I have and be thankful what I've been given. I'm grateful for having great friends, the ones I met on my first day to the ones I hang around with. I'm thankful for being given the best of teachers, for the encouragement and belief they place upon me and my studies.. I'm grateful to be in such a great school where through everyone's eyes, it is as it is appears to be one of the best schools in Asia.

"You're such a wonder to the world. I wonder how you can carry on your life with lies and deception, unraving and unhappy with whatever you have. Maybe that's why you think about death so often, because you are unappreciative of what you have, and you are yet to thank god for the gifts that he has blessed upon you, from your grace to that beautiful smile on your face. Yet, somehow I'd like to laugh at you, laugh at your face.. I'd like to watch you fall apart without your wings. I've pulled away every feather, just the way you did me. How much more pain can you exactly suffer when you know that it is me who has sculpted you so greatly into the lavish work of art that you are? How many more hearts do you wish to break as you did to mine? You're falling apart and everyone else around you can see it.. Maybe you think you don't mean to, but are you sure? I mean, why not? Why not just destroy everything and everyone that crosses your path? With all that power you had, you could have had me and every other heart you held on such a thin string wrapped around that lovely finger. You could have had everything. Now, while every ounce of your pain double stabs your aching heart, you can watch us move on with our lives and into new sunshine and darkness.." - Sam, through my eyes.

I can't really think of any of friends who are beautiful enough to be mentioned, although I think there are times their hearts are in the right places. There are times when I can feel the vibes of my friend wanting to be selfish, and unaware of those around him/her, but that's normal. I remember a time when I watched a friend of mine get his heart broken so that the girl he loves can be happy with the one she loves, and I can perfectly remember a time when I did the same. At most times, you're just the passer-by, just another speckle of dust as part of a wide audience. Although, you never really know what's happening and what everyone's thinking. It's like watching a silent movie and assuming what people are saying, when its actually something completely opposite. I guess that's when rumours start, lies and deception emerge. That's when hearts get broken, that's when you feel like you've been stabbed in the back, that's when misassumptions overtake your love for one another like a blanket.. and that's when everything would shatter just as a glass ball would as it falls on to the ground after rolling from the edge of a table..

I wonder how it is, living just one life. Having that one life where everyone has the same view of who you actually are rather than having one group of people picturing you as someone while the other sees you in a different way. I know that most teenages live two lives, they're completely (well, VERY much) different when they're at home and when they're away from home. One of my best friends actually prefers the me that's at home, I guess in many ways I do lead a double life. Outside, as this bubbly happy-go-lucky person, and inside.. as this pessimestic suicidal maniac.. haha well, I try to bring that inside person out at times.. it doesn't usually work, but yeah that side of me has come out every once in a while. I know that I have a group of friends who have seen me in different moods, and I also know that I have a group of friends who have always made me high and happy because well, we mix very well together. I know that there's a group of friends that I have who don't really know who I am (and I don't know them that well either) and that we've all made a point that we don't need to know their backgrounds.. we just need to live around each other for the moment, and nothing more. I can't relax when I'm out.. not with rules imposed on me and everyone about how to act around society.. I know that we have to be careful in what we do, but heck, rules destroy the fun.

Tra la la la..

love,
yasmin.