Misunderstandings.

I gaze in amazement at how people that are able to pretend to be able to carry on with their lives, through fake smiles when everyone actually knows how much they’re suffering. It’s sick and despicable. Moreover, I’m ashamed to say that I might be one of them. Sigh. Things in life come one step at a time, I’ve a friend who believes very strongly in karma. It’s his claim to say that when he lost his girlfriend, he gained his car.

Now, he doesn’t want a girlfriend in fear of unbalancing his life, because he might end up losing his car or something as horrible as that. Like I was saying, things in life come one step at a time. If you’d like to achieve something, it’ll take little steps to get there. It doesn’t matter how widely you stride towards it, how many baby steps it took or even, the amount of time it might have taken to crawl towards it, things come into your life one by one. Even though sometimes it feels like you’re at a bottom of a cliff and everyone is throwing down huge boulders towards you and heck, you have no where to hide and just start counting your last moments.. you’ll begin to realize that some problems might actually be blessings in disguise.

Sometimes I’m quite bitter about not being able to be in the student council. I realize now, that God had something better stored in for me. It made me realize that it is actually a good thing that I’m not in the council because it gave me more time to spend studying and it gave me time to have lunch with friends I want to be with.

My best friend’s the head girl, that’s one position I would have wanted, I envy her. There is no doubt that I don’t because it is a very highly ranked leadership position. Though, I notice she’s been very tired lately, and she rarely has times to have lunch with me during the afternoons because of her student council meetings. I guess that’s one of the downfalls of me not being in the council, the fact that I don’t get to be there for her when she needs me when people tend (and they do) get out of hand during their briefings and meetings as such.

Being the observer, I can just simply say most of them are just talk and not much action. They feed in ideas, sure, what’s a council without fresh ideas? Though none of them really want to do whatever it is they inputted, they simply feed it in and hope that someone is eager enough to play patsy and do that tedious task for them. I’m not lashing out at my council, I just thought I’d give them something to think about. I know that if I were in the council, I’d be too committed, and that’s why I said that God had something better planned for me. That’s one reason why it’s a good thing I didn’t get in.

Things in life are weird. It's all about acceptance I suppose. Everything's written up in the books of fate and destiny. I guess this is one point in life where you learn things in life isn't just about the covers, you gotta know more about the inside and the fine prints too.

I want the Avril Lavigne album.

Falling in and out of love quickly isn't one of the things I'm very proud of. But when it happens, it does make a person happy. I'm a sucker for happiness, even if I'm able to feel it for only one second. But then I'd realize I'm living a lie. If I feel happy, not that I don't want to, something doesn't feel right. I'm still missing something in my life. As much as I want to let go of my 'back-then' and burn my massive list of 'what-if' and 'could-have-been's, I don't know how to. After all, whatever pain that doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Upfront confrontation isn't really me. I guess sooner or later I'm going to have to do this so that I can set my life straight and actually allow myself to care for and be cared for by someone who deserves me, and someone I deserve. I shouldn't ponder and question things in my life too often because that's when my walls begin to crumble and fall.. and that's when my relationships suffer along with it. I guess I still have a lot to work on.

love,
yarz.