Everything is just a game.

"Zebras don't change their stripes". I knew that and I still risked it with you. I knew that, I learnt the truth. I saw your flaws, your weaknesses, I've seen you cry. I knew the truth about you, and yet here I am.. and I still love you. Though I know that I can never be in love with you as I once had, but I know that I'm still able to love you. How is that even so possible?

Sigh. Twenty minutes in a single phone call, confrontation and bam! There goes everything I dreamt of, hoped for, out the window. Heh, but that was a few years ago. Now, I don't even know where I stand or what I should be doing with myself. We had a Year 13 assembly yesterday, our head of year quoted something an ex-teacher from school had once said to him. He said to write down our feelings on a piece of paper, include all the swear words.. do all that, and then walk away from it, because tomorrow you'd be feeling different and you'd have a different opinion. Even if it wasn't a radial change in opinion, it was still a slight change in opinion because you'd be seeing things in a new light. I think what he said is true, because I remember (and I'm sure some of you will too) posting about someone, and it felt better to just let things out rather than keeping it in so much. Because, I will admit, that after what happened on that day, I have a change in opinion.

I woke up at 10am this morning, I didn't bother sending my sister to her lessons so I just stayed home and had my usual porridge for breakfast. I'm still at home now, worked on a layout which I had to type up from scratch because this laptop has no frontpage. Nyeh, so I went to the main frontpage website and used the trial version online (but you can't cut and paste, so I had to type everything up word for word..). It was so annoying.

I wanted to watch Rimula last night, but I don't know.. I didn't really feel like seeing people last night, though I did wish I went because I could have spent time with Ade and Rach. I'm not in the mood to go out today either, so here I am.. bumming around at home and I've got about six things on my to-do list. My AS Accounting exam is just around the corner, one more month til November, along with my AS Mechanics paper.. I'm resitting my AS Business paper 1 in January, even though I scored a high B on it. Haha, I think I could have done better because I didn't finish the paper.. I left out one I think. Nyah.

My cousin's getting married tomorrow :) She's going to be the first one of my cousins on my mother's side of the family to get married.. wah.. haha maybe this will be the starting point for all my cousins XP I still have a while to go and I don't really want to think about it until I graduate. Anyways, it means I'll be driving down to Lumut, Belait to watch the ceremony and hang out with my other relatives. dum de dum. Rz texted me about an hour ago from Paki :) I miss you babes.. xox I'll talk to you later tonight okay? I don't want to go out. mwah.

I shouldn't take death so lightly. Sigh. I've got a couple of jerks who are pushing me towards the edge. I wish they'd just leave me alone and stop trying to bring me down. I don't need you. I'll let you believe what you want, I don't need to justify anything to you. I'm already depressed as it is, and you're being such an asshole about it. please leave me alone...

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