I wonder?

It's been a long week. Holidays are done and over with, two weeks of meaningless, timeless sufferrings. As much as I hated the thought of school starting again, it was a relief. I hated staying at home, time is best spent in school is what I think.

Nothing's going my way so far, yesterday.. as most people would (should =P) know, was my seventeenth birthday. Thanks everyone who remembered, for the text messages, birthday wishes, requests that I don't kill myself (lol, seriously guys..haha), phone calls, hugs, presents, money (hehe) and everything else I got. I really thought everything was going to go wrong yesterday, I've always known that I've got my friends whenever and wherever. I always knew that they would always be there for me. Thank you for proving that.

Thank you to Adeline, Rachael, Aimi, Randy, Pheng and the rest of the people that were at our lunch table. Thank you. They surprised me with a birthday cake, I swear I could have cried. lol =) I love you guys so much. Thank you. It meant a lot to me since I had been on the verge of crying throughout the whole morning. I really didn't expect anything. lol, I don't think I can say enough thank yous to you guys.

Monday morning, I woke up crying in the middle of the night. Geez, it was my birthday. I was finally seventeen. Sigh, but something's missing.. I wish I knew. So anyway, I'll try and be a bit more optimistic for now. I dyed my hair a few days ago, its a lighter tone now.. more visible I hope. I think I'm trying to turn back into my old self. Haha, with the hair and everything. Yeah, but this time with a different personality and attitude. No one really appreciates something until it's gone. It seems that way doesn't it? How you take things for granted, sigh. I'd like to say that I'm happy. I really wish I could. I wish I could make a mask that smiles all the time, like that character from The Mysterious Play, it's this Anime series I used to watch on AxN. He wore a mask to hide the scar on his face. You could say I'd like to hide something.. something as deep as a scar. Sigh.

There are a lot of things I'd like to say right now, but I'm worried about getting someone into trouble, or even worse.. myself into trouble. I've made some peoples lives a living hell. I think. I don't know. Maybe. Sigh. I'd like a lot of people back in my life. Living in regret is not exactly something I like doing.. but I wouldn't trade everything I have now for the world, except maybe one small problem I have. I doubt many people know what's been going on for the past few weeks, I have, without a doubt, been miserable. It's not right is it? Personally, I don't think its fair to be like this. I'd like it to be settled and over with, maybe then I can bitch about it. It'll just be a matter of time until I do.

Ohh, RANO. LOL Thank you!! haha lol, look at what this sweetie posted up..haha (p.s. I didn't save it so I'm showing it off via YOUR server..haha) Haha Its interesting by the way, I never saw myself in such rendered photos :P Was that at the airport? hahaha I look cute. LOL. You should e-mail me the photos you have of me..haha I tak pernah nampak.

I hung out with Adeline and Eddie after school in Gadong. We ate at the foodcourt, hehe and Adeline spent about 30 minutes analysing me.. lol. She had me down to a T. Geez, that girl..hahaha so what if I get hungry every 15minutes? =P It's not like you don't. Well anyway, before I left Gadong, I ordered a value meal from McDs..hahaha I guess that proves her theory right. =) Love you bumz.

I bought myself an early birthday present. Francine Pascal, The Fearless book #32, I don't remember the title right now..and I haven't gotten round to reading it. It came out about a week ago, and I squeled when I saw it. Ranz was suppose to buy it for me :P but oh well, I already bought it. Oh and I bought myself a pencil yesterday. How nice can I be to myself? I pamper myself too much =P

When a ball comes flying towards you, would you catch it or would you duck out of the way? I don't know what I'd do, I guess it would depend on how I felt at the moment. I should have seen it coming, I should have known better. Sigh. Everyone else saw it, why I didn't I?

If I knew this was going to happen, would I have let it happen?

I probably would have.