I don't know.

I'm not good at lying and I don't want to start. She can read me like a book, just by a gesture or even shrug.. she knows when somethings wrong (p.s. I love you). My head is always filled with questions and wonderings about what goes on around me or even about what goes on behind my back. I don't like ignoring these thoughts because that would make me go insane with unanswered questions.

You could say I'm happier now, but I don't know. Am I really? I don't know. I saw an old friend today, it was nice seeing her again though I didn't even say hi or smile at her. It made me think back to six years ago.. up to this present day life I lead. Wow how things have changed. I'm another person and so is she. I have my values and she's thrown away hers.. maybe she's rebuilding it again, I don't know. I take pride in myself, and to me.. there's no one more important in my life than me (with a few exceptions ;D).

I'm depressed and I seem to only get my insperation to post when I'm upset. Ade pointed out that most of my posts are depressing..haha and girl, I know that you agree that the only time a person can truly post is when they are at their lowest moods because thats when all the thoughts come in. It's true really, you don't think much when you're happy.. because what's the point? You're happy, live the moment! However, when you're sad.. that's when you start all the hating, regretting and hurtful thoughts. it's true right?

Care.. in the dictionary it means 'feel concern'. Take care of means 'to dispose of'. Funny how they seem to have different meanings. lol =) Okay seriously.. do you really care? How do you know? Is it really a feeling of concern? Are you sure? I'm always worried about my friends. I've got this weird sixth sense that always seems to alert me when somethings wrong. I don't know. Most of the time I'm right though my friends tend to say "no yas, I'm okay", but in the end of the day they'll say "There was something wrong. Everything's okay now". Sigh, there's a point when I wish I could have helped, but sometimes its best I keep out of whatevers troubling them. There was a time when I gave up on my friends all together because everything just seemed wrong.. I've lost too many things and I've got too many troubles. I really don't know what should be troubling me at this point of my life... but believe me, I have more than my fair share of troubles in this so-called carefree teenage life I have.

I finally went out to play pool today with Adeline and Eddie. I *almost* (maybe that sounded a bit hopeful) kicked her ass, but sadly.. (heh) she won twice. I miss my boyfriend =\ Ade says that I'm begining to sound like him and our attitudes nowadays are a complete reverse. Well, there's some truth in it.. then again, I'm still me =D I found out today that Koko Jay's gone to Miri.. for Army camp. It hurts that I don't know whats going on in his life anymore, he shut the door on me a long time ago, I guess its time for me to lock it and put the key somewhere safe in case he comes back knocking.

I talked to Mimi for a bit today. I saw her car and climbed in. We started talking for a bit until her man called her up. Then I had to get out of the car =( So yeah, I guess I'll meet up with her another day.

If you were allowed to turn back the pages of time, would you handle events the same way? You probably wouldn't. Unfortunately, clocks do not run backward and what's done is past.. or is it really? Do fates give us a second chance? Sometimes, in a strange and eerie way.. they just may. I think the fates have given me a second chance to make things right. I love my boyfriend, and I'm just hoping that he feels the same way.. and this is one part of my life that I'm determined not to mess up. I have got to change that stereotypical view of 'me'.. geez.

All I need now is a chance.