I'm suppose to be strong.

I don't understand how a person can break another person's heart, one of which has already been broken several times. i guess the pain takes a deeper cut than before, and then the wound would take longer to heal. I don't understand how I can continue on with my life this way, with all these negative thoughts filling up my mind and only adding confusion to my heart. I don't know why I hold on when I know everything is just wrong and I don't deserve to be treated this way. I'm better than that, and I know that one day everything will be brighter for me.

I never stopped hoping for things to go back to the way they were, but that feeling of hope is slowly fading away with my desperation and sadness. I don't know why I'm still crying and why I still hurt. Every night I'd pray that one day I'll wake up and forget that anything has ever happened. Sigh all I've been wanting is to feel complete happiness..even for just a minute.

You know how you think things are going to end up throughout the day? Then again, you know deep inside that nothing is perfect. So even if that moment even comes close to being described to 'perfect', it never really is. I've never been that good at lying, I'm a bad liar. I can admit to that, so most of the time I try to avoid situations that would make me lie. Maybe the better word for it is 'bending the truth'.

Everytime he looks into my eyes and asks me if I'm alright.. he has no idea how much it hurts just looking at him that way. Every day my heart is breaking more because I know, I know more than ever, that everytime I tell him that I love him.. he wants to believe me, but he can't. He wants things to go the way it should, but we both know that it really can't. Not with the way things are going right now.. not with all the interventions and the pain I keep feeling in my heart.

Life is like a song. Everything seemed so perfect.. it is too good to last. I should have known better, but I guess I was being too hopeful. I should have learnt my lesson years ago, because it has happened once. Look at it now. There's a cut in my heart, and the memories are engraved into my soul. I should have known..

I'm trying so hard not to cry right now.