Just another phase. Or so it seems to be.

Have you ever wondered why the first thing that usually pops into your head is something that usually either pleases you or makes you want to hide away from the world? It can be either a happy thought or, sadly enough, an unpleasant one. I woke up this morning feeling as if a rock had fallen on top of me. My head felt heavy and the rest of it is a different story. I stayed up crying in bed last night, it's cruel really they way I've been treating myself. I shouldn't bring myself to do such things.I know eveyrthing will be better and all this will seem like a bad dream, but right now.. that dream is living up to reality and once something starts spinning, it won't stop until an equal or stronger opposite force stops it.

Remember Romeo and Juliet? They were a classic tragedy written by William Shakespere about two young people who fall in love with one another despite their family feud and resulting into tragic results. I wouldn't say that my life is like a play, or that it is still called a regular 'chick flick'. It isn't anymore because my life is no longer filled with beautiful roses and bright sunny days filled with love and happiness. It's more like a bush of roses, plus the thorns and weeds that grow in the ground; sprinkle in some grasshoppers and other things that eat leaves.. and there you have it, another effect of nature and how it represents me.

I watched The Eye 2 a few days ago (on Sunday I think), and watched Gothika the night before. Both movies are pretty scary, and Gothika freaked me out, hands down. The Eye 2 didn't seem so freaky once you got to the ending when everything began to make sense. Other than that, you could say its as freaky as Gothika. Cat in the Hat was another show I just watched yesterday with my sister and eight little cousins. I think the movie is overrated, but that might be just me. The jokes they had were more like satire and they had a few corny lines that only the adults would understand..where as the kids would just see it as another line. Heh, other than that it was pretty funny. Stupid, but it had its perks.

I need to know what I should take in the next step in my life. All I've done so far is sit around and wonder if what I'm doing is right or wrong. It's funny how people’s first impression of me is someone optimistic, happy-go-lucky and carefree. I guess that's the impression I want to leave to people, I don't want them thinking I'm some sort of weirdo who thinks about death and how to make my life more miserable than it already is. I'm miserable, but I'm not that miserable.. funny how I don't seem to show it though. I try not to because I don't want people feeling sorry for me. So why am I typing it up online where everyone to see? I want people to know my thoughts, just because I don't show them out doesn't mean I can't express them through words and thoughts.

My boyfriend and I have our differences, and yet its those differences that have kept us together. We fight every now and then, but the fights aren't really that major. We disagree on a lot of things, and yet we agree on some terms. Like today for instance, I was on the phone with him. I was listening to Britney Spear's toxic.. and the topic went on about being open and such. Britney denies that she sleeps around and 'claims' (or claimed) to be a virgin whereas Christina openly admits that she is not. Basically, what we agreed on today was the fact that we think it's better off to be honest and admit to whatever wrong has been done so that people can change their views of you and accept what you've done rather than denying whats happened and having others accuse you of wrong doings.

I miss Adeline. I miss you so much girlfriend xoxox.

How will things be for me in the future? Sometimes its easier to think back rather than thinking ahead because, the past is what has happened..and the future is never really that predictable. I'll go now and think about it.